Has anyone else had their life (partially) destroyed from these fantasies?

[susanhaynes]

I don't know about mine being destroyed, but mine was almost destroyed.  I was raped by my female high school tutor when I was 14.  She had planned on kidnapping me and selling me to another woman before I was saved by my father.

[Trill]

I don't know about mine being destroyed, but mine was almost destroyed.  I was raped by my female high school tutor when I was 14.  She had planned on kidnapping me and selling me to another woman before I was saved by my father.

Holy shit. Did she go to jail?

[Punish_the_girls]

We don’t choose the things that turn us on.

While I agree this is true to some extent, I don't think it hangs there entirely outside of our control. One may have an interest in vanilla sex but have a real sharp fantasy for NC sex. I believe if a person focuses his or her sexual satisfaction (and basically I mean by masturbation) on the fantasy of NC sex, that person will "shape" themselves to be more and more reliant on the NC sex theme and less and less responsive to vanilla sex in real life.

I used to feel guilty all the time for having the fantasies but learned that they were more common than I had thought they were.

Rape fantasies -- all kinds of bizarre fantasies -- are more common than some poor lone fetishist feels. The internet has been fantastic for providing a community in which one may feel accepted. That has, as I have learned, real worth in one's life. Further, though I was far too young to pursue this path, the internet provides the possibility of overcoming that hurdle of sexual suitability with a real life partner prior to getting to the tougher business of life-matching suitability. But community also risks what I mentioned above, the focus on the kink above the real life suitability, including vanilla sexuality, with a partner. Focusing on the kink can leave one unable any longer to get excited by vanilla sex.

And I say this as a man who has not had an "eyes-closed" fantasy in which the woman has consented for 25 years at least. And even prior to that, a consensual female appeared in maybe a dozen fantasy sessions.

Ruined my life, no. Changed it in ways that were not always desirable, well, yes.

[Rape King]

It's never really affected my life that negatively, but I used to think I was a bit odd for having them and worried a bit about it and tried to suppress it. 

Then I realised it's just a fantasy that loads of people have and a bit of a kinky fantasy in the mind harms no one. Just like someone who enjoys playing a criminal on GTA does no harm and doesn't go murdering and stealing.

When I realised that mindset it really causes me no more issues. I treat it as harmless fun. Just like I like a bit or rough sex with my partner, both parties enjoy it, fun and no big deal.