Rewritten rape lyrics

[Glacialis]

Here all songs can be about the thing we love most: rape <3

Welcome to corrupt everything from hard rock to the sweetest ballads.

Inspired by Frodo's epic rap(e) battle lyrics

[Glacialis]

Can we pretend that role play
is the real thing and you're raping me?
I could really use a cock right now,
a cock right now, a cock right now.


Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now

[Glacialis]

Nothing wrong with Rolling Stones but I like the Sundays version best (even though it skips two verses). Dedicated to Ingy and all other wannabe snugglerapepets.



Snatching you baby was easy to do
The things you most hated, I did them to you
Poor little baby, you know who I am
You know I can't let you unbruised from my hands

Come my baby, don't you like it this way?
Don't claim it's not exciting, this not having a say

I watched you suffer a dull aching pain
Now take it all, baby, you know the game
No weeping exits or out of place whines
I do rape and hurt you, but I'm not unkind

Oh, it upsets you, that I dragged you away
But I'll keep you safe now, all safe in my cave

You think my love is a sin and a lie
But I want you baby, with me all the time time
Your heart's been broken, tears must be cried
But you'll learn to love me, before we die

Babe, this is home now, no going away
My darling baby, you will want me one day

Come my baby, don't you like it this way?
The door to your dungeon will stay open one day

[RayPistonprowl]

Actually I only needed to change one word of this, it's pretty much there already.

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Red Right Hand
snip

It's times like these that I miss having a rep button.

[Ingenue]

Sorry, this one rapes nothing but good taste.

I like big nuts and I cannot lie!
And you other women can't deny,
When a guy walks in with a swagger in his step
And a big ol' sack to schlep
You get WET! Wanna touch and weigh 'em
Cuz the nuts got me like dayum!
Those loose little pants he's wearing
Balls swinging and I can't stop staring
Oh bay-bee, wanna slap and stretch 'em
My pet half wants to fetch 'em.
My girlfriends think I'm credulous,
But them nuts you got are oh so pendulous!
I'm tired of magazines
Saying slack nuts are the thing.
Take the average petgirl and ask her that?
He gotta pack much sack!
So ladies! (Yeah!) Ladies! (Yeah!)
Has your boyfriend got the nuts? (Heck yeah!)
Tell him to shake 'em, shake 'em,
Shake those hefty nuts.
Baby got sack yo!
(Little in the middle but he got much sack!)
Baby got sack!
(A V-shaped torso and he got much sack!)
Baby got sack!
(Pert little buttocks and he got much sack!)
Baby got sa-

*Ingy gets locked back in her cage* Aww... darn...

[FrodoKreuger]

Ingy, you are funny  as hell, I love it!

[RayPistonprowl]

You take some rape then some bitch
then some rape then some bitch
you got a raped bitch stack
a raped bitch stack

It's on top of itself niggaaaaaa

[Ingenue]

Only for you, Lovecrafty. because the track itself has nothing to do with ponies. In fact it's a rather witty take-down of typical hip hop lyrics.

[Ingenue]

Pish-tush, please stop pretending there's anything non-pony that you don't know everything about. Allow a pet her fantasies.

[RayPistonprowl]

Sorry, I wrote hop-hip, didn't I? That was silly. I meant rip-rap, of course.

You nicked that from me, you silly sod.

[Glacialis]

My pet half wants to fetch 'em.

Thanks for the visuals Ingy ) And a big OUCHIE from the resident ball bearers I suppose?

[Ingenue]

I love it. And you know, it makes more sense this way. If your guy wants to seduce and marry one particular girl, like Jack does, then their methods are way overkill. If he wants to win the trust of a succession of women easily, though...

*imagines a highly trained rape jester, squirms happily and very blushily*

[Ingenue]

In return, I give you an innocent cute little love duet.

[Edit: Here's the original for singing along purposes.]


VELVET:
None shall part us from each other;
One in life of crime are we --
All in all to one another,
I to thee and thou to me.

Thou the talon, I the feather;
Thou the fish-hook, I the bait;
Thou the stud, and I the leather;
Thou the captain, I the mate;
I the knife, and thou the surgeon;
I the sergeant, thou the law;
I persuasion, thou coercion;
I the velvet, thou the claw

(CLAW:
I the talon, thou the feather;
I the fish-hook, thou the bait;
I the stud, and thou the leather;
I the captain, thou the mate;
Thou the knife, and I the surgeon;
Thou the sergeant, I the law;
Thou persuasion, I coercion;
Thou the velvet, I the claw)

VELVET:
Hostage thine, in thee submerging
Ere too long I grew to find
Thine the voice within me urging --
Thy dear darkness in my mind:

Thou the talon, I the feather;
Thou the fish-hook, I the bait;
Thou the stud, and I the leather;
Thou the captain, I the mate;
I the knife, and thou the surgeon;
I the sergeant, thou the law;
I persuasion, thou coercion;
I the velvet, thou the claw.

(CLAW:
I the talon, thou the feather;
I the fish-hook, thou the bait;
I the stud, and thou the leather;
I the captain, thou the mate;
Thou the knife, and I the surgeon;
Thou the sergeant, I the law;
Thou persuasion, I coercion;
Thou the velvet, I the claw.)

[Ingenue]

The adventures of Velvet and Claw, whatever their real names, continue.  I know nothing about this pair except that they decided to sing perverted G&S lyrics to me until I agreed to write them down.  (What does it say about Gilly that his lyrics lend themselves so readily to psychopaths and their accomplices?)

[Edit: and of the original, so you can sing along. Ha. If you can successfully sing along to this, call me, my bed is waiting.]


MAISIE:
My eyes are fully open to my fearful situation!
I must beg you both for mercy with my prettiest oration.
I implore you to recover your forgotten moral senses
For your treacherous intentions carry awful consequences.
Now my death I do not hope for; I would really rather slow it,
But the stealing of my virtue, I beseech you to forgo it
For in gratitude, I swear to you, your secrecy I'd flatter;
No, I wouldn't tell a soul, so my escaping wouldn't matter.

CLAW:
Your escaping wouldn't matter?

MAISIE:
My escaping wouldn't matter.

VELVET:
Your escaping wouldn't matter?

MAISIE:
My escaping wouldn't matter.

VELVET & CLAW:
Her escaping wouldn't matter!
Her escaping wouldn't matter!
Her escaping wouldn't matter, matter, matter, matter, matter!


VELVET:
If I were more autonomous and open to suggestion
I would help you in a trice, but the affair is not in question.
For I have my lord and master near to keep me safe from erring
And I do not crave the punishment you lately are incurring.
On the subject I should teach you a most valuable lesson
Full of excellent advice, although my methods were distressin';
Your particularly vapid unintelligible chatter
Should be kept unto yourself, for your opinion doesn't matter.

MAISIE:
My opinion doesn't matter?

VELVET & CLAW:
Your opinion doesn't matter! etc.


CLAW:
When I was but a little brute, I had an elder brother
Who would fight with me as you are fighting now with one another.
Through his multifar'yus torments I grew cunning and sadistic
And I learned to face creation with an outlook realistic.
Now I capture girls like you to live my charming Sabine idyll
While appearing to my neighbours an upstanding indiwiddle;
Through my manor house's stonework, any scream or cry or clatter
Isn't generally heard, and if it is it doesn't matter.

MAISIE:
If it is it doesn't matter?

VELVET:
If it is it doesn't matter! etc.


(And then they rape her)

[Ingenue]

You mean... he switched bodies with the young lady and killed her?

What deviltry is this!