In Chat Now:

Author Topic: Still struggling  (Read 629 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Little lost girl

  • Full Member
  • Posts: 31
  • Rep: 5
  • Gender: Female
  • n00b
Still struggling
« on: December 05, 2019, 12:01:41 AM »
I got my paycheck card hacked last night sometime while I was asleep, all 4 hours that I got. I would love to get more but my body (lovely bit of dna code) had a real problem with me being out of pain or getting sleep. The doctor put me on yet another new medication to try out (it’s always an adventure wether it’s going to help or send me into pore pain). This one didn’t hurt but it didn’t help ether.

You’re asking why I started here. Well I have two neurological diseases (Fibromyalgia and Primary idiopathic Willis Ekbom disease) the second one gets worse if I take antidepressants.

I was raped for the second time July 29 2018. I still have to work at wanting to live, every, damn, day! I don’t remember it being this hard last time. I don’t remember being this scared, or having such mixed up feelings. It was so long ago though, I was 15. But why is it so much harder this time?
Edward Walker: The world moves for love. It kneels before it in awe.

Offline Carlosdevil

  • Your evil angel
  • Writer
  • Inner Wanktum
  • *
  • Posts: 10613
  • Rep: 511
  • Gender: Male
Re: Still struggling
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2019, 06:33:43 AM »
I really can't say why it's so much harder for you this time without knowing more about you. The only guess that I can hazard is that maybe your health issues could be a factor.  Dealing with chronic pain can make it difficult to deal with anything else.

All I can do - really, what any of us can do - is suggest you see a counselor or therapist about your fears. Sometimes talking about them with an objective professional can do plenty of good. Almost as importantly, just to let you know that you aren't alone. Everyone here is on your side and rooting for you to get through this. Many of us - myself included  - are willing to lend a shoulder or an ear if you want/need one. We do have a Survivor's Support board where you can vent with a little more privacy and there are a wealth of fellow survivors here especially @RayPistonprowl who have your back and could make better recommendations than I ever could.

Hang in there. I can't begin to understand how difficult it is to cope with both sexual assault and fibromyalgia at the same time. All I can do is wish you well and urge you to find someone you feel comfortable with to help you on your journey of getting through this. I know you can do it!!!
Every sperm is sacred.

Offline wrigglingbeauty

  • Inner Wanktum
  • Posts: 830
  • Rep: 602
Re: Still struggling
« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2019, 06:17:21 PM »
I'll add my voice to support for you but @Carlosdevil really already said everything. Please just keep holding on until you find the things that will work for you.

Offline RayPistonprowl

  • Testosterone ridden penis wielder
  • Administrator
  • Inner Wanktum
  • *
  • Posts: 15119
  • Rep: 1038
  • Gender: Male
  • Cockwagging hornbucket
Re: Still struggling
« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2019, 03:11:17 AM »
@Little lost girl , every time you want to end shit, just remember that out there is another soul who is compatible and loves you but won't hear your words for some time because of their own shit. Hear the universe. Wait. And the wait will eventually be worth it.

That goes for each of our members struggling with depression - please copy this to those you care about.

Don't hurt him too much, especially his face. I want to use it as my throne at some point. -cosmicwitch
If I ever have a punk band with just two members, I'm calling it "Anal Pear". -kittyumbrass
Nature abhors a vacuum, so if you present us with a hole we're going to try to fill it. For nature's sake. -SoftGameHunter
My strap on is also hung like Ron Jeremy's ponysona and will totes raep your ankle. -Ingenue

Offline Carlosdevil

  • Your evil angel
  • Writer
  • Inner Wanktum
  • *
  • Posts: 10613
  • Rep: 511
  • Gender: Male
Re: Still struggling
« Reply #4 on: December 18, 2019, 03:23:52 AM »
@Little lost girl , every time you want to end shit, just remember that out there is another soul who is compatible and loves you but won't hear your words for some time because of their own shit. Hear the universe. Wait. And the wait will eventually be worth it.

That goes for each of our members struggling with depression - please copy this to those you care about.

@RayPistonprowl is so right. After all, he's living proof: the universe brought him @steg after all...
Every sperm is sacred.

Offline Little lost girl

  • Full Member
  • Posts: 31
  • Rep: 5
  • Gender: Female
  • n00b
Re: Still struggling
« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2019, 10:37:32 AM »
 :* Thank you all for your support, that means a lot to me. I do see a therapist every week on Thursdays. I think without her help and the help of some of my friends here who understand what it feels like I would truly be gone by now. The rapes aside just trying to deal with feelings of wanting to end the physical and emotional pains and anxiety can be a very heavy bags to have to carry around, one I can’t just lay down and leave alone, not quite yet at least. The other problem is once you truly get to that point of needing to die and you are ready to go you are not quite capable of reaching out for help. It’s like you are in a different world where nothing else exists but you and the pain. It’s so very hard to do like I’ve done and caught myself before I’ve gotten to that point. Well all but once. Sorry I’m dragging on again. Just know that I’m working on it!
Edward Walker: The world moves for love. It kneels before it in awe.

Offline RayPistonprowl

  • Testosterone ridden penis wielder
  • Administrator
  • Inner Wanktum
  • *
  • Posts: 15119
  • Rep: 1038
  • Gender: Male
  • Cockwagging hornbucket
Re: Still struggling
« Reply #6 on: December 20, 2019, 02:20:17 AM »
@Little lost girl Work on it at your own pace, darling. Just stay ahead of the self-harm cycle and know that any time you feel your pain is too much, others out in the universe know you. Maybe they're ready to speak and maybe they're not. You know that feeling. Just know when a fellow human places a hand upon yours.

Don't hurt him too much, especially his face. I want to use it as my throne at some point. -cosmicwitch
If I ever have a punk band with just two members, I'm calling it "Anal Pear". -kittyumbrass
Nature abhors a vacuum, so if you present us with a hole we're going to try to fill it. For nature's sake. -SoftGameHunter
My strap on is also hung like Ron Jeremy's ponysona and will totes raep your ankle. -Ingenue

Offline steg

  • Tears or Blood. You pick the lube
  • Inner Wanktum
  • Posts: 555
  • Rep: 57
  • Gender: Male
  • One Man Bukkake Gang
Re: Still struggling
« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2019, 08:17:58 AM »
:* Thank you all for your support, that means a lot to me. I do see a therapist every week on Thursdays. I think without her help and the help of some of my friends here who understand what it feels like I would truly be gone by now. The rapes aside just trying to deal with feelings of wanting to end the physical and emotional pains and anxiety can be a very heavy bags to have to carry around, one I can’t just lay down and leave alone, not quite yet at least. The other problem is once you truly get to that point of needing to die and you are ready to go you are not quite capable of reaching out for help. It’s like you are in a different world where nothing else exists but you and the pain. It’s so very hard to do like I’ve done and caught myself before I’ve gotten to that point. Well all but once. Sorry I’m dragging on again. Just know that I’m working on it!

This is inspirational, you're my fucking hero, much tougher than some of the people I've done time with. Mad respect @Little lost girl. (Also, it helps me like you that ur hawt, and knowing that you're smiling to yourself reading this. And now r u wet, bbz?).

Offline RayPistonprowl

  • Testosterone ridden penis wielder
  • Administrator
  • Inner Wanktum
  • *
  • Posts: 15119
  • Rep: 1038
  • Gender: Male
  • Cockwagging hornbucket
Re: Still struggling
« Reply #8 on: December 25, 2019, 04:20:23 AM »
r u wet, bbz?

Such bad form, and yet so you, @steg :laugh:

Stay on the outside where we can enjoy you, eh son ?

Don't hurt him too much, especially his face. I want to use it as my throne at some point. -cosmicwitch
If I ever have a punk band with just two members, I'm calling it "Anal Pear". -kittyumbrass
Nature abhors a vacuum, so if you present us with a hole we're going to try to fill it. For nature's sake. -SoftGameHunter
My strap on is also hung like Ron Jeremy's ponysona and will totes raep your ankle. -Ingenue

Offline Little lost girl

  • Full Member
  • Posts: 31
  • Rep: 5
  • Gender: Female
  • n00b
Re: Still struggling
« Reply #9 on: December 28, 2019, 08:25:57 PM »
I’m back to the not doing ok cycle and because of the holidays I can’t see my therapist till next Thursday. That part of me that is so broken also is very hard on relationships and I just accidentally ended 2very important ones. It’s very hard for me to open up to people and trust them and being raped twice made it so very much harder. I’m very differen from the start and I trusted them with who I am inside, and now they are gone and I feel so very alone.
Edward Walker: The world moves for love. It kneels before it in awe.

Offline Little lost girl

  • Full Member
  • Posts: 31
  • Rep: 5
  • Gender: Female
  • n00b
Re: Still struggling
« Reply #10 on: January 08, 2020, 12:42:26 AM »
I found myself praying tonight that God would let me die in my sleep. I’ve made a promise that I won’t kill my self and as long as I am able to keep that determination I will keep trying to live, but I’m afraid of how fast I could slip dow so low so fast. I keep surviving each new thing and I wonder when the final straw will be that just puts me over that edge and I just start to shake and cry. I try to be strong and people who know what I’ve gone through have told me I’m strong but I feel as fragile as an ancient porcelain tea cup. I wonder when I’m going to be better, I hope it’s soon.
Edward Walker: The world moves for love. It kneels before it in awe.

Offline RayPistonprowl

  • Testosterone ridden penis wielder
  • Administrator
  • Inner Wanktum
  • *
  • Posts: 15119
  • Rep: 1038
  • Gender: Male
  • Cockwagging hornbucket
Re: Still struggling
« Reply #11 on: January 13, 2020, 05:24:22 PM »
I found myself praying tonight that God would let me die in my sleep. I’ve made a promise that I won’t kill my self and as long as I am able to keep that determination I will keep trying to live, but I’m afraid of how fast I could slip dow so low so fast. I keep surviving each new thing and I wonder when the final straw will be that just puts me over that edge and I just start to shake and cry. I try to be strong and people who know what I’ve gone through have told me I’m strong but I feel as fragile as an ancient porcelain tea cup. I wonder when I’m going to be better, I hope it’s soon.

@Little lost girl I've lost friends and family to suicide. A split second decision made in a moment of extraordinary pain can be the literal end of you. It affects those left behind deeply, and those wounds don't heal, not ever.

It's vital to address the feelings that are driving you towards such a dark place. I'd prefer you not wait until you feel overwhelmed, but if that's what it takes, then ring your country's national suicide hotline the moment you feel like self-harming. They can give you acute care and set you on the path to finding longer-term care so your pain is fully addressed. A chemical imbalance in the brain may require medication to sort. You may need help understanding how your own decisions may be self-sabotaging, and learn skills to cope and make better decisions. Just remember that much of what hurts us is temporary. It can get better, but you do need to get appropriate help or you may not be around to experience what better feels like! :hug:

Don't hurt him too much, especially his face. I want to use it as my throne at some point. -cosmicwitch
If I ever have a punk band with just two members, I'm calling it "Anal Pear". -kittyumbrass
Nature abhors a vacuum, so if you present us with a hole we're going to try to fill it. For nature's sake. -SoftGameHunter
My strap on is also hung like Ron Jeremy's ponysona and will totes raep your ankle. -Ingenue

Offline Little lost girl

  • Full Member
  • Posts: 31
  • Rep: 5
  • Gender: Female
  • n00b
Re: Still struggling
« Reply #12 on: January 13, 2020, 07:57:26 PM »
Oh papa Ray, I’ve been in counseling since I was raped a year and a half ago, every Thursday in fact. I’m on handfuls of neurological meds for 2 diseases I have so that complicates the medications issue very badly. Wednesday I go to the Psychologist to try again and see if we can fin something to put me on. The last med change sent me strait over the edge. I was lucky that I made it threw it alive and that I hade enough instinct left in me to ask for help because it went fast, 3 day was all it took. Now I’m no stranger to bad reactions to med changes, however they usually come in the form of screaming horrid pain, so this was new and unexpected. I’m nervous and as per usual feeling overwhelmed to say the least. Oh and Ray, thanks for always listening to me it means a lot to me.
Edward Walker: The world moves for love. It kneels before it in awe.

Offline RayPistonprowl

  • Testosterone ridden penis wielder
  • Administrator
  • Inner Wanktum
  • *
  • Posts: 15119
  • Rep: 1038
  • Gender: Male
  • Cockwagging hornbucket
Re: Still struggling
« Reply #13 on: January 15, 2020, 05:51:48 PM »
@Little lost girl No worries! I had a sudden reaction to a medication many years ago. I had no reason whatsoever to be depressed, but I suddenly had the overwhelming urge to die. I knew I was in trouble and rang 999, and they helped me get sorted. When I stopped the medication, the urge went away. Ideally your prescribing physician should be monitoring you closely and advising you on what to do if you feel a bad reaction coming on. You never know what you'll react to, particularly if you're on lots of other meds which could interact badly, so stay in touch with your doctor and report all adverse events.

I had a very good therapist who gave me verbal beatings when I needed them. He pointed out self-sabotaging behaviours that I needed to get control of in order to stop the cycle of self-hatred. I am not the touchy-feely sort and did not return to several therapists who struck me as mollycoddlers. Perhaps that's even evidence of my masochistic streak. :laugh:

Hang in there, pet.

Don't hurt him too much, especially his face. I want to use it as my throne at some point. -cosmicwitch
If I ever have a punk band with just two members, I'm calling it "Anal Pear". -kittyumbrass
Nature abhors a vacuum, so if you present us with a hole we're going to try to fill it. For nature's sake. -SoftGameHunter
My strap on is also hung like Ron Jeremy's ponysona and will totes raep your ankle. -Ingenue

Offline death2uall

  • Writer
  • Inner Wanktum
  • *
  • Posts: 2293
  • Rep: 119
  • Gender: Male
  • Rider of the Pale Horse
Re: Still struggling
« Reply #14 on: January 16, 2020, 11:53:14 PM »
Wow. Just ... wow. I keep thinking my social anxiety disorder is unmanageable and destroying my life, and then I read stories like yours and can be nothing but grateful that my problems aren't yours.

Christ, but that sounded self-congratulatory. I didn't mean it that way. Please know that there are people here who are listening to you, who sympathize, and who care about you, me included.
"I want to breed with you because our children would have the intelligence of Stephen Hawking, the stamina of young werewolves, the conscience of komodo dragons, and the forgiving, pacific nature of Genghis Khan". -death2uall, to Ingenue

"For a people who invented absinthe and blowjobs, sometimes the French can be a drag."  --Richard Kadrey, Aloha from Hell

"She is starting to damage my calm!"  -- Jayne, Serenity

 

Offsite Contact

Email Us Off-Site

Admins

Addie RayPistonprowl

Global Moderators

Ingenue Red Right Hand Smirkin

Moderators

Surrender2U EssenceofRed kittyumbrass the savage darkfantasygirl archon1980