Baby snake: Daddy, are we poisonous?
Daddy snake: No son, why?
Baby snake: I just bit my tongue!@ashley
was upset about an insect in the bedroom the other night - it really bugged her. Then she opened the door and started bugging out.
I asked a twisted bit of deteriorated string if it felt it could hold my parcel together... but it was a frayed knot.
OK, these are far to long to be puns at all, but definitely groaners:
A son asked his father: "Can you tell me the difference between theory and reality?"
"Sure, son," said the father. "Go ask your mom if she'd have sex with a strange man for $10,000."
A few minutes later the son returns: "She said yes, dad."
"Right, now go ask your sister if she'd have sex with a strange man for $10,000."
A few minutes later: "She said yes too, dad."
"Right, now go ask your brother if he'd have sex with a strange man for $10,000."
A few minutes later: "He said yes too, dad."
The father smiled. "And there you have it, son. In theory, we have $30,000. In reality we have two whores and a rent boy!"
A southern gal gets home to find her hubby fucking her sister in bed. She grabs her sister, throws her through the window, then grabs her hubby by the balls and drags him down to the tool shed. After sliding his cock into the vice on the workbench, she tightens it up and removes the handle. As he screams in agony she fetches a rusty saw from the corner of the shed.
"NO!" he screams. "I'm sorry! Please don't cut my dick off with that!!!"
She smiles sweetly. "Oh I'm not going to cut your dick off..." she says as she hands him the saw. "I'm going to set fire to this place and head into town. You do what you want!"
I was on the elevator the other day and noticed this man mountain of a guy standing there too. The doors slid shut and I just couldn't stop staring at the giant. He stepped towards me and said.
"Seven foot tall. 350lbs. Twelve inch dick. 3lb balls. Turner Brown."
Well, I fainted. When I came round he was kneeling over me and I tried to crawl away in terror.
"You ok?" he asked.
"What was it you said?" I asked nervously.
"I just answered the questions everyone asks me. "I'm seven foot tall. I weigh 350lbs. I have a twelve inch dick. My balls way 3lbs and my name is Turner Brown."
"Turner Brown?!" I said. "TURNER BROWN!!! Oh thank God... I thought you told me to turn around!"