I know the same way. It is all based on how they treat you. My husband is a Dom, even though he tries not to be(we had some issues before when he was controlling, but...I left him, then he changed, really changed. he's terrified to be a dom too much, because he is scared he would revert into the bad place, and he always tries to keep himself in check, especially for me.). But being a dominate personality, he respects me, he's not afraid when I have an opinion or when I challenge him.
In the bedroom, he respects my limits, but knows when and how to take what he wants in a way that always leaves me satisfied, and he DOES make sure to take care of me during play and after.
So I guess the short answer is that a true Dom, in my opinion, is someone who cherishes the Sub that gives themselves up to them, to be whatever that person needs. a protector, a daddy figure, a stern hand, a friend, a confidant, someone who isn't afraid of the Sub having his or her own voice, and values their opinons and intelligence. Someone worthy of a person giving themselves up to them.