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Offline Ingenue

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Re: How do you know?
« Reply #30 on: March 21, 2015, 10:29:46 AM »
I was pretty sure S was real. ;) Lys is that convincing of a straight shooter it shines through even on the intarwebz where everyone lies!
You girls are post-ethical. ~AdamWantsYou
I absolutely and categorically deny that I was there to Dom her, or that we got naked ~kittyumbrass
Last night, when I took off my bra, I shouted "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!" and B pissed himself. ~pinkwarkitten14

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Offline RayPistonprowl

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Re: How do you know?
« Reply #31 on: March 21, 2015, 01:44:19 PM »
What the hell happened in here? I didn't see anyone question @lysyn's integrity. I suggested S make his own account because I enjoyed what he had to say, not because I questioned who was typing the messages, just in case someone drew that wrong conclusion.  :shrug:

Ah well, @EssenceofRed, I've enjoyed the discussion you sparked.
I think I need an adultier adult than I am. -darkfantasygirl
Like Pepe LePew, sometimes you just gotta take the pussy. -The Demented Wizard
Listen up you cretinfaced knobcheese...you need to back the fuck truck up and park yerself in it. -wetslut
Who burns their tits on the stove while boiling water? I'll tell you. This chick does. -southernbelle
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Offline lysyn

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Re: How do you know?
« Reply #32 on: March 21, 2015, 02:35:43 PM »
Oh it was me and my taking things literally. I do that sometimes. A lot. As fucking awesomely funny as I seem sometimes, I still have to work at humor when it's directed to people I love. I'm instantly defensive. So the S is Santa Clause comment upset me instead of making me laugh. Once I'm in that mode, everything becomes offensive. I am sorry. Truly, I am.

S knows how I felt, even when I didn't. He didn't mean to imply any offense was actually given, just that I take it that way sometimes. Know what I mean? He's right, I do. It's my own issue. What can I say, I'm a headcase. That's not to say I can't see humor in things, I try to always, but when it involves my loved ones... I tend to speak before I think it through. I suck. Sorry.

He won't get an account, but that's not to say he doesn't have good advice, so if he sees something that he feels he can contribute to, he'll use my account. I expect it won't happen much. He's not very chatty.

Anyway, I am sorry for any angst I may have caused. The end.
So far I can't remember ever being wrong in a judgement of character of someone. Then again I tend to hold onto it until I get to know them a bit. Sometimes intuitively I know someone's a retard though.
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Offline Ingenue

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Re: How do you know?
« Reply #33 on: March 21, 2015, 05:25:29 PM »
I hope he truly appreciates how his beautiful wife will fly into warrior mode to protect his cute little honor, because it's very hot.

(So is the fact that he goes into rants in Italian, just saying)

It's a beautiful impulse and just needs training, not prevention.
You girls are post-ethical. ~AdamWantsYou
I absolutely and categorically deny that I was there to Dom her, or that we got naked ~kittyumbrass
Last night, when I took off my bra, I shouted "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!" and B pissed himself. ~pinkwarkitten14

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Offline Addie

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Re: How do you know?
« Reply #34 on: March 21, 2015, 09:20:53 PM »
Aw, lysyn. We love you, bbz. :*

Offline RayPistonprowl

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Re: How do you know?
« Reply #35 on: March 22, 2015, 03:23:48 AM »
(So is the fact that he goes into rants in Italian, just saying)

An Italian swearing session is both poetic and gesticulatory.  :rollingpin:
I think I need an adultier adult than I am. -darkfantasygirl
Like Pepe LePew, sometimes you just gotta take the pussy. -The Demented Wizard
Listen up you cretinfaced knobcheese...you need to back the fuck truck up and park yerself in it. -wetslut
Who burns their tits on the stove while boiling water? I'll tell you. This chick does. -southernbelle
There's nothing like coming home and taking off your bra after a long, hard day of having boobs. -lysyn

Offline Eri

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Re: How do you know?
« Reply #36 on: March 24, 2015, 08:45:34 AM »
I see the discussion sort of went off the tracks but I am going to put in my two cents.

Though there are so many "categories" out there, Dom, sub, little, pet, Master, slave, it is just insane to try and stick yourself into just one role.

The Dom I know and love, is articulate, strong minded, and can have quite the intense presence when in a room. BUT along with that he is also kind, gentle, fun loving, and loves to make people laugh. So many out there think a Dom is someone who is always "Dom" all the time. Always on the ball and ready to give orders or direct a sub but in my opinion, it isn't like a light switch. Whatever your "role" may be, Dom or Master, sub or slave, it just comes naturally. You don't have to force your body or your mind to have that release. Those that even identify as a switch and enjoy both roles have it come naturally to them dependent on the person they are with (or so I have been told anyway).

In my opinion, a "true Dom" is anyone who can respect not only subs but fellow Doms, they don't have to push out their chest to prove their status. They are genuine in their care of a sub and know how to play the game by the rules, no cutting around the corners bullshit.

Offline Ingenue

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Re: How do you know?
« Reply #37 on: March 24, 2015, 11:50:03 AM »
In my opinion, a "true Dom" is anyone who can respect not only subs but fellow Doms, they don't have to push out their chest to prove their status. They are genuine in their care of a sub and know how to play the game by the rules, no cutting around the corners bullshit.

Oh yes! Nothing says "little boy" more than two doms having a chest-beating contest.
You girls are post-ethical. ~AdamWantsYou
I absolutely and categorically deny that I was there to Dom her, or that we got naked ~kittyumbrass
Last night, when I took off my bra, I shouted "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!" and B pissed himself. ~pinkwarkitten14

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Offline Red Right Hand

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Re: How do you know?
« Reply #38 on: March 24, 2015, 09:35:24 PM »
Oh yes! Nothing says "little boy" more than two doms having a chest-beating contest.

I've a nice Japanese silk rope flogger. Had your chest beaten lately, little pet?
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Offline Ingenue

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Re: How do you know?
« Reply #39 on: March 25, 2015, 02:01:58 PM »
Oh yes! Nothing says "little boy" more than two doms having a chest-beating contest.

I've a nice Japanese silk rope flogger. Had your chest beaten lately, little pet?

Exactly as much as I require it to be.
You girls are post-ethical. ~AdamWantsYou
I absolutely and categorically deny that I was there to Dom her, or that we got naked ~kittyumbrass
Last night, when I took off my bra, I shouted "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!" and B pissed himself. ~pinkwarkitten14

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Offline Rosary

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Re: How do you know?
« Reply #40 on: April 02, 2015, 07:21:26 AM »
I find good Doms are more ept than others at making me submit from afar

~Per Aspira Ad Inferi~

I thought I was an angel, but I was wrong.
I'm with the Others, and I've been here all along.
Will you punish me because I'm made in your blood?
Do I fly in the storm, or wallow in the mud?
So don't blame the devil for the shit that you've done,
You made this mess, and you're just having fun.

Offline drchloro

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Re: How do you know?
« Reply #41 on: July 21, 2015, 12:26:14 PM »
I tend to find true Dom's are polite, paternal, even. They respect subs and acknowledge their autonomy and value as a person, rather than assessing how much they'd like to beat, bind and bang them.
If they engage with me conversationally and take me seriously and make me feel like we could learn from each other, they're a real Dom. And not some 'Master' who doesn't know the first thing about BDSM, consent or how to even handle a sub.


Unfortunately, too many so-called Doms believe that being Dominant means they have to act like a Douche Bag. It's a bit like the idiot in the bar glaring at everyone who catches his eye and strutting around like he's just won the UFC Heavyweight Championship. Meanwhile the truly dangerous fighters are usually polite and respectful. Or to quote the line from Roadhouse, "Be nice...until it's time to not be nice."  :cool:

Offline Alexander

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Re: How do you know?
« Reply #42 on: September 18, 2015, 12:46:41 AM »
Perhaps the question is "How can you tell a competent Dom"? rather than a "true" one.

If thought about that way, it's a little easier to consider. How do you know if a person claiming to be a competent writer, or pianist, or anything else is genuine? By how they talk about the subject, how they act and when put to the test, whether they shape up.


In all these things, each of us will have different benchmarks and methods of assessment. Lord knows how many experts there are who are unable to agree on whether a new piece of music, a play or painting is the next big thing or the worst thing ever seen or heard.

Having said that, there are some basic tenets - respectful behaviour including treating others like humans rather than their next target is most likely the primary one. There are others but the heart of the matter is the issues about relationships. Trust, good communication, respect and compatibility to name a few. In my experience, many people get confused about the fact that a D/s relationship is just another relationship between people (here I mean relationships to include friendships, casual acquaintances etc, not just deep committed partnerships).

There's no formula. As many have already said, Doms are all kinds of people on the surface but one thing's for sure. If a person doesn't display confidence in themselves (not to be confused with sheer arrogance) then they will never be able to take control of a situation and it's not possible for anyone to be "a true Dom" if they can't take control. Control is what we do.


Red's "Domdar" might be her way of sensing these things. Swooning has been around since the Victorian era and most likely before! But I know Red, like most other good subbies is not going to use that as her only basis for making anything more than a superficial judgement.
« Last Edit: September 21, 2015, 07:40:35 PM by Alexander »
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Offline Ingenue

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Re: How do you know?
« Reply #43 on: September 18, 2015, 07:39:15 AM »
I agree with A on the respect thing (and others)..

For me, it'd be a sign of incompatibility if he felt the need to announce he's a dom on a first date or any other situation where we weren't actually negotiating sex. It'd make me think he's only interested in sex and/or one of those where his top role is his whole life, and I'm simply not interested in a power differential outside of the bedroom. So I guess in a way it'd save us some time and I could proceed straight to "check please", but I'd still find it disrespectful to talk about sex so quickly.

If he didn't outright say it, but instead started with the power games like ordering my meal for me and dropping little verbal commands to see if I jump at 'em, again that's going to be my cue to ollie outtie. Not my bag, brah.

However, I know for other more traditionally submissive people those same things could be a total jean creamer, ;) so I wouldn't say people should hide how they like to operate. By all means do your little dommie thing, politely of course, it's a good thing to be yourself and just accept some people won't dig on it.
You girls are post-ethical. ~AdamWantsYou
I absolutely and categorically deny that I was there to Dom her, or that we got naked ~kittyumbrass
Last night, when I took off my bra, I shouted "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!" and B pissed himself. ~pinkwarkitten14

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Offline Ella

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Re: How do you know?
« Reply #44 on: June 27, 2016, 01:45:31 AM »
When I read the first three posts here I'm a little confused. I could be misunderstanding, gods know this damn plague has my thinking screwed up, but it sounds like it's being stated that is someone is polite, charismatic, interested, respectful, trustworthy and intelligent then they are a dom. I could be wrong, but that sounds more like the definition of a good and socially skilled person than a dom.

Somewhere here when we first opened the doors Ella posted a thread here titled something like "A good dom is a good person". It's the conclusion she came to at the time, and I quite agreed with it. Being a good person won't make you a dominant, but I do not believe you can be dominant without being a good person first!

@RayPistonprowl : Actually, my dear, I think I gave the thread that name because it's how one of you wonderful men summed it up on RD. And thanks for the reminder, because I had completely forgotten about it.

I was going to finish reading this thread before contributing to it, but, clearly, I'm not. :D

I'm worried about the word "true". It implies that someone other than oneself has the power to decide whether one is or is not what they claim to be. I've seen it used questionably: "True women" (as opposed to fat women), "true Republicans" (as opposed to registered Republicans who don't do what their party wants them to do), "true rape victims" (as opposed to who? People who were raped in atypical ways? Sometimes people astonish me.) So when I see "true doms," I hope it's as opposed to insta-doms and men like my ex who just want to boss their women around. But I'm wary. Anyhoo...

I've noticed something that has only recently begun to make sense. I could be completely wrong in my guesses about it, but here goes. Every now and then I meet a man who makes me feel safe. It's a particular "flavor" of safe, sort of "kitten in a pocket" safe. I feel protected. It's odd that someone I don't know well can make me feel like that just by being around me. My guess is that it has to do with dominance because it's how J makes me feel and he's my first dom.

It's wonderful not to have to worry about looking foolish. After J started courting me, I started twirling again. I went on the swings, which is still one of my favorite things to do. I let myself giggle. It's nice to feel protected. It lets me be me. So, perhaps a "true dom" is one who makes me feel safe to be a "true sub."

 

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