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Author Topic: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"  (Read 5176 times)

Offline Ella

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"A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« on: June 29, 2014, 11:09:14 PM »
Those threads on RD about dominance and submission were incredibly useful for me.Those of you who participated gave me great information.

I learned that my ex-husband, who was domineering, was not dominant. I learned that I'm a sexual submissive. And boy, am I! And Ray, Alexander, and some others said the same thing over and over when asked what made someone a good dom? "A good dom is a good human being," one of them said.

I didn't know what that meant, because I had no experience with it. But I understand it now. My husband is a good man. He was my best friend and then he was my husband. He's also my owner. And because is such a very good friend anf good man, he is also just the right dom for me.


Offline FrodoKreuger

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2014, 03:56:19 AM »
Making me slightly jealous of both of you! ;)

Seriously, congratulations Ella. I'm glad you got away from the old and have the treasured new.

Online RayPistonprowl

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #2 on: July 01, 2014, 06:49:19 AM »
I'm so happy for you Ella. But you know that. When I get more time perhaps I can contribute to a wee library of BDSM resources for n00bs, but I still think the best place to start is with a decent human being !!
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Offline steg

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2014, 08:22:47 PM »
twat who needs rope = Dom

Offline Addie

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2014, 08:35:10 PM »
twat who needs rope = Dom

I don't need a rope to beat the shit out of you, steg. :naughty:  :spank2:

Offline steg

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2014, 09:23:01 PM »
I knew it. Love at first sight. Join the queue Addie. Although I'll let you jump the line if you scream and cry enough.

Offline Addie

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2014, 09:29:42 PM »
I knew it. Love at first sight. Join the queue Addie. Although I'll let you jump the line if you scream and cry enough.

You mean the line of people waiting to beat the shit out of you? ;)

« Last Edit: December 16, 2014, 02:32:03 AM by Addie »

Offline Ella

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #7 on: July 04, 2014, 02:23:36 AM »
I knew it. Love at first sight. Join the queue Addie. Although I'll let you jump the line if you scream and cry enough.

You mean the line of people waiting to beat the shit out of you? ;)



Now THAT deserved a "Like" button!
« Last Edit: December 16, 2014, 02:31:48 AM by Addie »

Offline Blister

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #8 on: July 06, 2014, 04:25:30 PM »
A major factor is trust - you have to trust your Dom to respect your limits and to know you so well that he/she knows when to stop. You have to trust the Dom to deliver your pleasure and to keep you safe. It is not just about pleasure for the Dom.
Sometimes rough, sometimes gentle but always with pleasure

Offline Ingenue

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2014, 06:56:17 PM »
Trust them to obey your safe word too, and not try to wheedle and manipulate you into things you don't want to do...

It all comes back to being a good person, and not thinking they're a superior species just because they identify on one side of the power play equation.
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Offline Addie

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #10 on: July 07, 2014, 12:21:54 AM »
Trust them to obey your safe word too, and not try to wheedle and manipulate you into things you don't want to do...

This can't be overstated enough! And furthermore there's simply no need to wheedle and manipulate. Just find someone else who shares those particular interests. If someone says it's a limit, don't cross it!

Offline Ella

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #11 on: July 07, 2014, 04:21:39 AM »
I remember a thread on the other site in which the equality of the people in the two roles was hotly debated.

This is the answer: The dom and sub are equal. They were equal before they entered the relationship, they'll be equals if it ends, and they are absolutely equals while the relationship is ongoing. If something happens that removes the equality, that makes the partners unequal, it slips unquestionably into abuse.

I've been on both sides of it now. I see this very clearly.

Offline Ella

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #12 on: July 07, 2014, 02:13:23 PM »
I watched Laci Green's review of 50 Shades. Laci is a young sex educator on YouTube. In my opinion, she absolutely rocks.

Anyway, in her thing about the book, she said it was a dangerous book because the dom is abusive. She said it's likely to be many girl's intro to bdsm, and could teach them that to be dominant is to be abusive.

I haven't read it, so I don't have an opinion. Is she right?

Offline Ingenue

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #13 on: July 07, 2014, 02:35:01 PM »
...many young girls got interested in BDSM because of [50 Shades]. Which isn't a bad thing per se, of course. But many of them are naive, don't really know anything about the subject and they are often easy preys for the kind of "dom" I've described above.

And new dominants too, similarly attracted by 50 Shades' orgasm-per-page-or-your-money-back guarantee, are likely to not know enough to know whom NOT to take advice from.
I like my unicorns pink. and fluffy. and dancing, in the vicinity of meteorological optical effects ~kittyumbrass
Turns out that France understands neither peanut butter nor tacos ~IrishGirl
Picard just petting a dog for an hour is my porn. ~NOT Ingenue

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Offline FrodoKreuger

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #14 on: July 08, 2014, 06:38:07 AM »
I always take advice from Instadoms and Domly Doms, so get down on your knees and worship me, bitches, I'm a dominant... honest. (That is how it works isn't it?)

 

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