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Author Topic: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"  (Read 4459 times)

Offline wetslut

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #15 on: July 08, 2014, 10:13:44 AM »
I LOVE 50 Shades.... :D

I don't think the character of Christian is abusive as such...More he's portrayed as some 'Lost Little Boy' whose trying to understand everything and refuses love til he meets Anastasia.

It is written as a massive suck up to his character though,even when he does something 'Wrong' the other characters leap in with ..'He's a good man really' bollocks.

It's just light fluffy entertainment.  :thumbs:

Offline Itsjustadream

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #16 on: July 08, 2014, 01:53:07 PM »
Just for the record, would anyone be willing to provide a clear cut definition of "a good guy". Because honestly the term is as ambiguous as it can be.

It could mean he doesn't kick you out of the house as soon as the deed is done, or it could mean he actually takes you as a person into consideration with his actions.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Offline Ingenue

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #17 on: July 08, 2014, 03:14:44 PM »
... he actually takes you as a person into consideration with his actions.

This for sure is a keystone of being a good person. As Terry Pratchett once said through the lips of Granny Weatherwax, a lot of the worst acts begin with denying or disregarding someone's personhood.
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Offline Ella

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #18 on: July 08, 2014, 11:24:22 PM »
For me, calling a man a good guy is as good as a compliment gets.

A good guy is a good man, but with a lightness that would let me be his friend. A good guy is a not-overly-serious good man. The best men in my life are good, good guys.

Offline Addie

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #19 on: July 10, 2014, 02:01:12 AM »
I remember a thread on the other site in which the equality of the people in the two roles was hotly debated.

This is the answer: The dom and sub are equal. They were equal before they entered the relationship, they'll be equals if it ends, and they are absolutely equals while the relationship is ongoing. If something happens that removes the equality, that makes the partners unequal, it slips unquestionably into abuse.

I've been on both sides of it now. I see this very clearly.

What an awesome post.  :thumbs: And absolutely true.

Offline The Demented Wizard

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #20 on: July 10, 2014, 08:42:52 PM »
I applaud you all for knowing what the true definition of a Dom is, in my eyes anyway. 

I would hope that I am such and I strive to be such.  I am not a douche, nor do I force things onto someone that isn't ready for it.  For me, being a Dom is as much a mental game and controlling the environment as it is anything else.  I make sure that my subs wants come before my needs.  Equality is important, even if I am the one to be the "shot caller" in most scenarios. I don't rule with an iron fist....instead preferring to allow them room to move freely within the confines "of my yard" or the areas in which they can explore and are free to look and challenge things, so long as my boundaries aren't crossed. 

Crossing boundaries will usually end in seeing why I am who I am.  Good read Ella and your husband is lucky to have someone who recognizes his worth. 

Offline RayPistonprowl

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #21 on: July 10, 2014, 09:40:32 PM »
Crossing boundaries will usually end in seeing why I am who I am.

 :popcorn:
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Offline Ella

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #22 on: July 11, 2014, 12:48:18 AM »
Crossing boundaries will usually end in seeing why I am who I am.

 :popcorn:

Crossing which boundaries: Your sub crossing yours or you crossing his/hers? And who is it who sees why you are who you are? And what exactly does that mean?

Sorry for the interrogation; I caught a whiff of something in what you said. It's probably nothing.

Offline RayPistonprowl

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #23 on: July 11, 2014, 03:02:59 AM »
Crossing boundaries will usually end in seeing why I am who I am.

 :popcorn:

Crossing which boundaries: Your sub crossing yours or you crossing his/hers? And who is it who sees why you are who you are? And what exactly does that mean?

Sorry for the interrogation; I caught a whiff of something in what you said. It's probably nothing.

I caught it too, Ella. I'm looking forward to the reply!
I think I need an adultier adult than I am. -darkfantasygirl
Chuggita chuggita huggita mbbbbbbbbbbbbbb anchors aweigh! -Carlosdevil, motorboating
Well, if people name their boobs and penises, I can name your ass. I'll call it Fluffybuns. -Ingenue, to the Savage
Who burns their tits on the stove while boiling water? I'll tell you. This chick does. -southernbelle
There's nothing like coming home and taking off your bra after a long, hard day of having boobs. -lysyn

Offline EssenceofRed

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #24 on: July 12, 2014, 02:04:39 PM »
I agree that a good Dom is a good person. But a good person doesn't always make a good Dom*. Someone with the best intentions, who doesn’t wholly understand the job, nor a woman’s anatomy (if he’s a sadist and plans to inflict pain, whether it’s a simple spanking, or some really hardcore shit) can really do some damage mentally, emotionally, and/or physically if they don't know what they're doing. A good Dom must appreciate and value the weight that comes with taking the control his sub offers him, be comfortable in that role, and know what to do with it!  He must be sensitive to and read all of her verbal and nonverbal queues and idiosyncrasies. Let’s face it. There is a point in time when a sub may not be able to use her safe word... or words in general, and that’s where the wannabe “dom” may misstep and do some real damage. (SO MANY TANGENTS TO GO AT THIS POINT!! But I’ll stay on course.) The really good Doms know their subs even more than the subs know themselves. They are in tune with their wants and desires in the bedroom, the dungeon, and in life. They know when to push and when to pull back. They know what is best for their pet, and their goal is to not only make her happy, but help her realize her truest, best self... which may or may not include tears along the way.




*Yes, I know Doms can be male or female - surprisingly where I live, they are mostly female - but here I am using my thoughts based on my experiences, and therefore I am using the male version of Dom and female version of sub. No disrespect intended or implied sexism to the Dommes out there who may read this.
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Offline Addie

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #25 on: July 12, 2014, 11:36:14 PM »
I agree that a good Dom is a good person. But a good person doesn't always make a good Dom*. Someone with the best intentions, who doesn’t wholly understand the job, nor a woman’s anatomy (if he’s a sadist and plans to inflict pain, whether it’s a simple spanking, or some really hardcore shit) can really do some damage mentally, emotionally, and/or physically if they don't know what they're doing. A good Dom must appreciate and value the weight that comes with taking the control his sub offers him, be comfortable in that role, and know what to do with it!  He must be sensitive to and read all of her verbal and nonverbal queues and idiosyncrasies. Let’s face it. There is a point in time when a sub may not be able to use her safe word... or words in general, and that’s where the wannabe “dom” may misstep and do some real damage. (SO MANY TANGENTS TO GO AT THIS POINT!! But I’ll stay on course.) The really good Doms know their subs even more than the subs know themselves. They are in tune with their wants and desires in the bedroom, the dungeon, and in life. They know when to push and when to pull back. They know what is best for their pet, and their goal is to not only make her happy, but help her realize her truest, best self... which may or may not include tears along the way.




*Yes, I know Doms can be male or female - surprisingly where I live, they are mostly female - but here I am using my thoughts based on my experiences, and therefore I am using the male version of Dom and female version of sub. No disrespect intended or implied sexism to the Dommes out there who may read this.

Another great post. Red is talking about "subspace", by the way. That's when the submissive becomes euphoric, lethargic and even unable to speak. It's a very desirable state of mind that should be interrupted as little as possible once it's achieved. And when you're bringing your sub out of it, it must be done carefully and with a lot of love and aftercare. If you just carry on beating the shit out of your sub for your own pleasure then you risk seriously injuring him since he is quite literally unable to say his safeword.

Offline The Demented Wizard

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #26 on: July 13, 2014, 11:53:44 PM »
Crossing boundaries will usually end in seeing why I am who I am.

 :popcorn:

Crossing which boundaries: Your sub crossing yours or you crossing his/hers? And who is it who sees why you are who you are? And what exactly does that mean?

Sorry for the interrogation; I caught a whiff of something in what you said. It's probably nothing.

I am interested to know what it is that you caught a whiff of? 

I am speaking specifically to crossing boundaries from many sides.  I am involveed in the local community and protect a fair bit of subs/slaves/pets/etc.  I have seen a "wannabe" dom cross personal and party boundaries.  That is when THAT person sees why I am who I am...the protector. 

In my personal relationships, I have very few boundaries at all.  The ones I do have are set in stone and hard limits.  Things like cheating...and well...cheating.  Cross them, and the side of me that will no longer care for you as I once did will be shown.  That is what I meant as well.  I make all attempts to not cross boundaries and thus far think Ive done a good job of that.  I am a Daddy Dom amongst other things, so crossing hard limits and boundaries isn't in my nature. 


Offline Ella

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #27 on: July 14, 2014, 01:39:25 AM »
Red, I loved what you said.

Wizard, thanks for clarifying. I'm glad to see that you're the enforcer of boundaries. Something you said sounded a bit like you enforce your own limits but cross your sub's limits at will. I'm glad that wasn't it.

his2use

Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #28 on: July 14, 2014, 11:42:45 AM »
...
« Last Edit: July 14, 2014, 01:49:37 PM by his2use »

Offline Ingenue

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Re: "A Good Dom is a Good Person"
« Reply #29 on: July 14, 2014, 03:42:54 PM »
I surely do love it when men tell other men "don't be that guy" instead of closing ranks in a juvenile bros-before-hoes way. It makes me think I won't round them all up and kill them the second I get into power, afterall. :D Round them all up and cuddle them, I never promised to not do THAT.
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