In Chat #1:
In Old Chat #2:

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Tags (Stories Only Please!): but sadism is involved 

Author Topic: Thoughts from a man that likes to 'hurt women'  (Read 3320 times)

Offline GermanChick

  • Gender: Female
  • Country: us
  • Posts: 738
  • Rep: 403
  • Make me
Thoughts from a man that likes to 'hurt women'
« on: April 11, 2015, 10:47:49 PM »
Sometimes I like being hurt when having sex - and I don't mean just the 'hair pulling', 'ass slapping' kind of 'hurt' we are talking about. Not sure I want to go into it more than that right now but the 'GOOD GUY' that is my partner has had to overcome a LOT of inert reluctance to the fact that his Woman want's to be hurt ...


I found this journal entry I found on [censored-see Rules] an interesting read for everyone that is interested in learning more about this conundrum some men are facing:

I love hurting women.
It took me over ten years from the time I hurt my first woman, who introduced me to bdsm to the point of being able to accept it was okay. I was 21 when I had my first taste of restraining a woman and putting marks and bruises on her with my hand. I distinctly remember, it wasn't just the electric nature of the moment or my burning, animalistic need to hurt her that made it so appealing. It was when I hit her and the way she reacted, as if it was exactly what she needed, that made it so incredible and a moment I'll never forget.
But I was young and didn't know how to process the feelings of hurting someone I cared about. If you know me, I try to be respectful and a gentleman. Even now as the Dom I've grown into, I'm still very sensitive. While that may seem like a hindrance to being a Dominant male, I own it and try to incorporate it naturally into my style of sensual, but sadistic domination.But there was a decade I didn't know how to do that. I didn't know how to care and hurt. How to be respectful and domineering. How to want to be gentle with someone in one moment and bring them to tears by the punishing blows from my hand in the next. I felt evil or messed up in some manner. This was an age long before [censored-see Rules] and the only images I saw in pop culture about Bdsm was of the Female Dominant. It was an easy sell, because selling a male Sadist was to close to domestic violence for pop culture to celebrate and market.So I spent my twenties exploring Bdsm as a bottom from time to time. In those ten years I only bottomed a handful of times and each and every time I hated it afterwards and felt confused.Because I would think about bdsm a lot but I wasn't allowing my self to own my Sadistic and Dominant needs and was suppressing it to a point that when I bottomed, it felt extremely uncomfortable and unnatural. Even without this lifestyle definitions, I'm not a submissive person, inside or outside of the bedroom. So when I bottomed, it wasn't enjoyable for me or the person topping me because while I could endure and enjoy pain, I wasn't mentally submissive and would often safe word out of a scene once it went from the physical to the mental aspects of the scene. Because mentally more so than anything, I was on the wrong side of the slash.Once I entered into my thirties, I started to grow a fuck it attitude when it came to just doing what I wanted as far as being the person I wanted to be. In non bdsm ways, I started becoming much more dominant with women and when I got married, my wife was very submissive to me, inside and outside of the bedroom. We didn't live the lifestyle per se, but kink and primal play was fully integrated into our sex lives. In my marriage, she embraced my need to hurt her during sex and it made me feel incredibly loved. While, she wasn't as open minded as I would have liked, the doors she opened in my mind have led me to some wonderful places.After my marriage ended, I had a year long relationship with my ex submissive. She allowed me and encouraged me to become who I now am. It was rewarding and eye opening, because while my ex wife opened the door, my ex submissive took me deep into the hallways of my dark regions of my soul and let me look into a mirror and realize, I'm okay, I'm not a bad or evil person because I enjoy violence in my sex life. In fact, in her eyes, it made me fucking awesome.I've had the chance in the last six months since my breakup to meet and play with some amazing women who have all let me know that it's okay to be Sadistic. As long as you communicate your needs and practice as much safety precautions as you can (no impact play is completely safe) and to humanize, not just yourself but the person your beating, it's okay, if they need what you need to do.Because for me, my sadism is only a part of what I do as a Dom. It's an important part for me, but the reason I enjoy hurting a woman more than anything, is to have those moments of vulnerability and care for her afterwards once I've altered her state of being and she needs me more than ever. That's the greatest beauty that comes from all that pain, is the bonding and sharing something that you both have to endure to create. That's amazing, that's intimacy.So yes, I love hurting women. To write and say that feels beautiful and natural now. Of course there was a time when it made me feel like a monster, but now it makes me feel like the man I've wanted to become. I'm glad there's a world where it's not only accepted, but it's cherished by someone you're in an intimate relationship with, when they need to receive the pain that you're willing to give.That's the kind of world I enjoy, that's the relationship I need.I just wanted to say thank you to anyone out there who I've gotten to know and who has allowed me to understand the depth of the beauty of this lifestyle. Thank you.I love hurting women and it's okay if you do too. 

Innermind

Offline MamaMeadow

  • Pain Slut
  • Gender: Female
  • Country: us
  • Posts: 4673
  • Rep: 907
  • Meaty Jiggle-Glorp
Re: Thoughts from a man that likes to 'hurt women'
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2015, 10:56:07 PM »
-sigh-
I've come to terms with the BDSM limit in my marriage. He spoils me from time to time, sure!....but he's truly not ok with hurting me. Mostly due to his PTSD from his time in the military. If he truly locks into that mindset...well.....it's not a good thing. He will go way past what I like and even though I want it hard, he'll beat the ever loving fuck out of me. Then when he snaps back to reality, sobs his eyes out because he doesn't even remember doing it.:/
So it's best we not go there. I understand.

But I'll admit it.
I want to be beaten during sex. Sincerely choked. Smacked. Hair pulled so hard, it tears.
I want bruises. I want cuts and knife play and bondage and punches.
.....just, you know. Without literally being in fear for my life.
I do want a hard beating.
YOUR GOD INSIDE ME
MAKES ME YOUR WHORE

I didn't even need to boak but after seeing what she was doing plus smelling me own jobby I promptly boaked in the sink as well.
-Ray
Slowly with the aid of a couple blue pills, they drew their glans against us - Ingy
I'm as hard as a coral reef right now. - bjc1979

Offline RayPistonprowl

  • Testosterone ridden penis wielder
  • *
  • Gender: Male
  • Country: gb
  • Posts: 10961
  • Rep: 630
  • Cockwagging hornbucket
Re: Thoughts from a man that likes to 'hurt women'
« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2015, 02:52:04 AM »
:smh: So much to say on this ..... later.
Quit staring at my ass or I'll back it up on your face and see if you can learn to breathe through your urethra. -cosmicwitch
I very often rape people with my corkscew duck penis and murder them by squishing them in an amplexus ball with all my guy friends. -Ingenue
Maybe there is a god. Maybe there are 2,000 gods. Maybe one of them has like 18 tits and five cocks. The only thing I ask is that it all just stays off my lawn. -Dark Places
A good cup of tea lies between He-Man and Donald Trump in colour. -the_silkman

Offline Ingenue

  • Tomato Pope Pup
  • *
  • Gender: Female
  • Country: vi
  • Posts: 7088
  • Rep: 1087
  • forcing pettings out of you all
    • Ingy's currently idle Tumblr feat. petgirls, jesters, ponies
Re: Thoughts from a man that likes to 'hurt women'
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2015, 09:12:45 AM »
To me PTSD and BDSM seem like a terrifying, explosive combination, whichever partner - or both - is living with trauma. I respect the courage of people who try to play regardless, so long as they do it with proper safety and respect on both sides of course, but damn, no, not for me. Vanilla please.

MM, I think you're right not to force your man anymore on this issue. That is simply not how either of you should be feeling after sex. If it's not safe it's not okay and if it's not right for one of you it's not right for either.
I like my unicorns pink. and fluffy. and dancing, in the vicinity of meteorological optical effects ~kittyumbrass
I expect a lot of things when I come browse a rape fantasy forum. Full-on shaking, can't breathe, belly laughter is not one of them, but here I am. ~Eigniu
Picard just petting a dog for an hour is my porn. ~NOT Ingenue

Limits

Offline GermanChick

  • Gender: Female
  • Country: us
  • Posts: 738
  • Rep: 403
  • Make me
Re: Thoughts from a man that likes to 'hurt women'
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2015, 09:33:49 AM »
:smh: So much to say on this ..... later.




Promise?


On the original post or MM's?




@MamaMeadow
I don't even know where to begin with discussing your post to be honest. Some of it is frighteningly familiar but since I know some of your back story you've shared on here  I ALSO know that we are nothing alike in many other ways.
I wish your partner would get help, but I also know that most military guys scoff at the idea of needing help and refuse to get it. I'm sure you've done everything possible.
You certainly are a strong woman to still try and figure things out and not having given up by now.


This guy is a SADIST though, so that needs to be kept in mind when we discuss his particular struggle here and compare it to others in the community.


I found the article an interesting read from a male's perspective, which I'm always interested in. We have to be, of course, aware of the difference between FANTASY (which is what most of us are dealing with here on this board) and REAL LIFE (which is what he is describing)


I learned so much about myself when I was able to talk freely about my sexual desires for the first time (on RD) and really became comfortable within my own sexual skin as a result of it.
This guy's struggle sheds light on some of the male side of the growth that had to happen in my relationship and I felt it would fit here for some others to read.










Offline RayPistonprowl

  • Testosterone ridden penis wielder
  • *
  • Gender: Male
  • Country: gb
  • Posts: 10961
  • Rep: 630
  • Cockwagging hornbucket
Re: Thoughts from a man that likes to 'hurt women'
« Reply #5 on: April 12, 2015, 01:35:18 PM »
:smh: So much to say on this ..... later.
Promise?

Nope. I know better than to promise when it's far more likely I'll forget. :)) And it was in response to both your first post and MM's post, I think. Will collect thoughts and try to get back to this. The short of it is that I had this problem to a degree when starting out, as I suffered some PTSD, but you just have to remind yourself that this is fantasy and very much wanted by your partner so you're not actually hurting anyone. I didn't like the man I became during such early roleplays, but then the compartmentalisation fell into place and it clicked.

I'm also endlessly annoyed by that chap's dichotomy of top/bottom/dom/sub. Definitely not tackling that now.
Quit staring at my ass or I'll back it up on your face and see if you can learn to breathe through your urethra. -cosmicwitch
I very often rape people with my corkscew duck penis and murder them by squishing them in an amplexus ball with all my guy friends. -Ingenue
Maybe there is a god. Maybe there are 2,000 gods. Maybe one of them has like 18 tits and five cocks. The only thing I ask is that it all just stays off my lawn. -Dark Places
A good cup of tea lies between He-Man and Donald Trump in colour. -the_silkman

Offline Ingenue

  • Tomato Pope Pup
  • *
  • Gender: Female
  • Country: vi
  • Posts: 7088
  • Rep: 1087
  • forcing pettings out of you all
    • Ingy's currently idle Tumblr feat. petgirls, jesters, ponies
Re: Thoughts from a man that likes to 'hurt women'
« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2015, 03:49:34 PM »
*nods* MM, I think it might help your situation if you tried a softer activity that you can show you were clearly into, like spanking (if your tastes run that way; some don't, obviously including mine!) where you giggled and squirmed about to make clear that you loved it. And stick to that for a long time so you establish a safe baseline for him. Like the guy in the original post only grew comfortable with his tastes when he grokked that "she's willing, she loves it, I can make her feel good!" realization, I think you need him to have positive and low-pressure associations with this kind of lovemaking, definitely not terror about whether he'll lose control again.

However, even with that said, it might never be something he's comfortable with.

I'm kinda applying general knowledge here so don't believe anything I say, I don't have any BDSM experience, so I'm really just waiting until people with knowledge happen by.
I like my unicorns pink. and fluffy. and dancing, in the vicinity of meteorological optical effects ~kittyumbrass
I expect a lot of things when I come browse a rape fantasy forum. Full-on shaking, can't breathe, belly laughter is not one of them, but here I am. ~Eigniu
Picard just petting a dog for an hour is my porn. ~NOT Ingenue

Limits

Offline GermanChick

  • Gender: Female
  • Country: us
  • Posts: 738
  • Rep: 403
  • Make me
Re: Thoughts from a man that likes to 'hurt women'
« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2015, 01:28:40 PM »
I personally don't think its safe to play with someone that is suffering from PTSD to be honest, especially not from what MM is describing. It sounds as though her partner looses track completely and there is, in my opinion, no telling how far he might go one of these days.
The other part that needs to be taken into consideration is HIS side - how does this all make him feel and could he ever become worse because of the things he does to her or enjoys doing when he is in that 'zone'. 
I think some men really struggle with the concept of enjoying 'to hurt someone' - they're good guys and, as Ray, need to learn to compartmentalize before becoming comfortable with who and what they are.


If MM's partner hasn't come to terms with his experiences in the military I think he (and everyone else LIKE him) needs to deal with that first before he includes any violence in his play with his partner.


The amount of physical abuse (and verbal) from guys coming home from war is abysmal. Its one of the greatest issues we (Americans) will have to deal with in the coming years and a prize that is, imo, horribly high - especially since its our young men and women that are paying it and will continue to pay it ... (sorry, highjack)...





The original post struck a chord with me because of just that conflict the author is describing.


The other thing this leads to is that we have been, and still are, struggling to come to terms how much a partner SHOULD pretend to like something (or do something he/she doesn't like) for the sake of his/her partner.


What does that have to do with anything you ask?


The guy in the original post had trouble coming to terms with the fact that HE was someone that he didn't really want to be because he had misconceptions about it and wasn't comfortable to go against societal norms like that. (he explains it better of course)


It took him decades to become comfortable in his own skin - and isn't this site full of people just like that?


I know plenty of women that had to come to terms with the darker side of their sexual appetites and I'm interested to hear from the guys on this - but if nobody wants to talk about it then its fine with me too of course. Maybe some chap will come across this sometime and it'll help him put things into perspective.


I'd still like to hear Ray's opinion on it - top/bottom/Dom/sub ... terms that are difficult to define and highly personal in my opinion. I would like to have an open minded discussion about that sometime too but there is only so many hours in the day ;)
« Last Edit: April 13, 2015, 01:32:23 PM by GermanChick »

Offline Dark Desire

  • Gender:
  • Country: 00
  • Posts: 864
  • Rep: 56
Re: Thoughts from a man that likes to 'hurt women'
« Reply #8 on: April 13, 2015, 04:27:17 PM »
I'll try to answer some of this from my viewpoint.

I am the same in that it has taken me decades to (kind of) feel alright about 'me'. Rape fantasy (and a few special people on here) has helped in that. These forums have helped me to see I'm not alone with these fantasies and that I'm not a freak for feeling the way I do. It has also helped me be happy with me as a whole.

Now I don't want to hurt women (unless they want me to) but I do want to be in control of them sexually (again in a way they want to be controlled). As for the liking something or pretending to because she does... it happens at times but they are things that I would never try no matter how much she wanted to, for me some lines can't be crossed and that is all about me.

I think the BDSM is for the people involved to say what they are and how it is enacted. I dislike labels but they do help at times. I am not concerned so much with them as long as who I am playing with has fun and is safe.

Speaking as someone who needs to be in control and worries about losing control, I try to keep myself out of things IRL that push my boundaries in to dark a place for me. Also depending on my state of mind I need to stay out of them on here at times.

Hope that makes sense to somebody besides me. Interesting topic GC  :*
« Last Edit: April 13, 2015, 04:29:08 PM by Dark Desire »

Offline GermanChick

  • Gender: Female
  • Country: us
  • Posts: 738
  • Rep: 403
  • Make me
Re: Thoughts from a man that likes to 'hurt women'
« Reply #9 on: April 13, 2015, 08:16:58 PM »
And this post here is exactly why someone like you is so attractive to me and why I think these sort of threads could be helpful to others here.





You've taken the time and made the effort to learn about yourself and your likes/dislikes. Have the introspective to know where your boundaries are and how far you can go in your quest to satisfy your partner, for both of your sake.


I think we all agree that this whole thing is a journey - for me certainly there have been some serious bends in the road and I'm not (ever) arrived at the destination.


Thanks for sharing - without real men like you stepping up and out and communicating we only have the '"Insta Dom's" sharing their 'wisdom' ;)


xox

Offline Addie

  • Mistress Almighty Goddess, Gloria In Extremis
  • *
  • Gender: Female
  • Country: us
  • Posts: 3336
  • Rep: 808
    • RapeCage
Re: Thoughts from a man that likes to 'hurt women'
« Reply #10 on: April 14, 2015, 01:25:03 AM »
The other thing this leads to is that we have been, and still are, struggling to come to terms how much a partner SHOULD pretend to like something (or do something he/she doesn't like) for the sake of his/her partner.

This is a great point, @GermanChick. @MamaMeadow's husband may never enjoy sadism. We don't choose our kinks and can't always bend ourselves to indulge in someone else's kink. Sometimes we're just incompatible on a particular one.

But I also agree with @Ingenue that sadism is one of those kinks that is generally pretty universal in that most people can learn to enjoy it to a certain degree. Even if you don't enjoy actually harming someone, you can still learn to enjoy drawing that particular pleasure out of your partner's body. MM's husband may never make the leap to enjoying rape fantasy, which requires a pretty repugnant mindset, but he might enjoy being a Master who is in control of his sex slave's pleasure.

And I should also mention that since the submissive is the person with the real control, MM's husband may actually find that he's better suited to the sub role until he feels he's healed enough to begin giving up control to his own sub. This could be a great opportunity to stretch roles and grow closer.

Offline RayPistonprowl

  • Testosterone ridden penis wielder
  • *
  • Gender: Male
  • Country: gb
  • Posts: 10961
  • Rep: 630
  • Cockwagging hornbucket
Re: Thoughts from a man that likes to 'hurt women'
« Reply #11 on: April 15, 2015, 05:27:44 PM »
I'd still like to hear Ray's opinion on it - top/bottom/Dom/sub ... terms that are difficult to define and highly personal in my opinion. I would like to have an open minded discussion about that sometime too but there is only so many hours in the day ;)

Meh. They're not difficult to define - the BDSM community has had them well defined for longer than I've been alive. Highly personal? Maybe to abusive twats wot want their subs to think their version is the only version ( and conveniently nowhere near the version the BDSM community agrees on ). As DD said, sometimes labels matter. This is one of those. There's just too much room for abuse without them. People are free to build on that foundation and express themselves individually, but you can't change the foundation. And that's the gist of what bothered me about his [ the original ] post......

And I'll still get back to this. Can't brain tonight.
Quit staring at my ass or I'll back it up on your face and see if you can learn to breathe through your urethra. -cosmicwitch
I very often rape people with my corkscew duck penis and murder them by squishing them in an amplexus ball with all my guy friends. -Ingenue
Maybe there is a god. Maybe there are 2,000 gods. Maybe one of them has like 18 tits and five cocks. The only thing I ask is that it all just stays off my lawn. -Dark Places
A good cup of tea lies between He-Man and Donald Trump in colour. -the_silkman

Offline GermanChick

  • Gender: Female
  • Country: us
  • Posts: 738
  • Rep: 403
  • Make me
Re: Thoughts from a man that likes to 'hurt women'
« Reply #12 on: April 15, 2015, 07:27:57 PM »
I'd still like to hear Ray's opinion on it - top/bottom/Dom/sub ... terms that are difficult to define and highly personal in my opinion. I would like to have an open minded discussion about that sometime too but there is only so many hours in the day ;)

Meh. They're not difficult to define - the BDSM community has had them well defined for longer than I've been alive. Highly personal? Maybe to abusive twats wot want their subs to think their version is the only version ( and conveniently nowhere near the version the BDSM community agrees on ). As DD said, sometimes labels matter. This is one of those. There's just too much room for abuse without them. People are free to build on that foundation and express themselves individually, but you can't change the foundation. And that's the gist of what bothered me about his [ the original ] post......

And I'll still get back to this. Can't brain tonight.




You're like that mean old guy in the candy store that let me lick the lollipop before taking it away again ... j/k ... he wasn't THAT old... ;)


When I said "highly personal" I actually didn't mean the terms themselves but how an Individual identifies with those particular labels. Some men like defining themselves as dominant, but not as Dominants.
I like to play the submissive but really am not one - so that might make me more of a bottom. I know for a FACT that I get no pleasure whatsover out of being a Top or the Dom in sex play. Then there are those that are somewhere in between this spectrum and THat's what I was referring to when I said that those terms were 'highly personal'.


I am aware that they are well defined and that labels matter - and reading his viewpoint again I would really like to know what you're taking offense to. I know you've done this for a long time and sometimes you pick up on subtleties that I overlook. I think it has to do with the fact that you've witnessed a lot of abuse going on in these circles while I have been well protected and have not encountered an abuse of power in the BDSM communities that I've visited. Maybe that's the difference between you and me reading this.

Nobody else is really interested in this obviously - everyone KNOWS what they are and what they're comfortable with. I find that in itself fascinating since I've had so many chats with men (online and IRL) that have struggles with these aspect of their sexuality - I had hoped that some men on here would be more forthcoming with their view of their kink but maybe everyone is just comfortably settled and really there isn't a need for a discussion like this.
I'm ok with that too.


Maybe when we start attracting younger, more volatile characters someone will stumble across this and go: Oh, yeah, that rings a bell ... until then I'll await your explanation of where you find the original poster changed 'the foundation'.
 :naughty:

Offline MamaMeadow

  • Pain Slut
  • Gender: Female
  • Country: us
  • Posts: 4673
  • Rep: 907
  • Meaty Jiggle-Glorp
Re: Thoughts from a man that likes to 'hurt women'
« Reply #13 on: April 17, 2015, 10:07:55 AM »
I just mustered up the courage to read at least a few replies- still a touchy subject because it breaks my heart to see him go through it.
In the beginning, he slept with a hunting knife under his pillow and if I had to wake him up, I had to stand in the doorway and throw soft things at him. Go near him?! Nope.
His mom once tried to nudge him awake and he woke up to himself choking her. Hes NOT like this anymore, thank goodness!!
He said I've helped him get over a lot, which is good :)

He doesn't have flashbacks nearly as much now, but when he does....
Last year he bumped into another marine while at a bar and they traded stories. He came back home and his eyes were black- he started screaming at me and calling me names. Long story short, his skinny ass picked me up and threw me across the room, pinned me down and punched me repeatedly in the face and head (roommates heard my screams and dragged him off me), and when I went outside, he followed and shoved me down, yanked me up by my hair and choke slammed me to the pavement.

He woke up the next day and barely remembered it and didn't quite understand why I was terrified of him.
A few weeks ago he found out a friend from his old unit died, and he flipped out. Didn't beat me but he screamed at me for a good 5 hours. What got me was it woke our daughter up and scared the hell out of her.
I wish he'd get more help than just venting to me about it. I know it's his PTSD- he doesn't hit me any other time and its few and far between these days, I assure you. Just gotta have patience when you're with someone like that.

He knows I watch videos of very rough BDSM and he supports my fetish :) I understand its not for him and that's fine.
YOUR GOD INSIDE ME
MAKES ME YOUR WHORE

I didn't even need to boak but after seeing what she was doing plus smelling me own jobby I promptly boaked in the sink as well.
-Ray
Slowly with the aid of a couple blue pills, they drew their glans against us - Ingy
I'm as hard as a coral reef right now. - bjc1979

Offline Addie

  • Mistress Almighty Goddess, Gloria In Extremis
  • *
  • Gender: Female
  • Country: us
  • Posts: 3336
  • Rep: 808
    • RapeCage
Re: Thoughts from a man that likes to 'hurt women'
« Reply #14 on: April 17, 2015, 12:40:12 PM »
@MamaMeadow, I don't understand how he can black out during such episodes and then come to and find out the horrifying things he's done and then NOT get into serious, immediate, intensive counseling. Even if I thought all doctors were quacks, that would do it for me. I'd be in counseling 5 days a week! And what you just described was ONLY LAST YEARD-: EDIT: A FEW WEEKS AGO. D-:

Btw, does your husband drink or use drugs to excess at all? It's common to do so while PTSD has you in its grip.


 

Offsite Contacts Email Admins (Offsite) Admins Addie RayPistonprowl Global Moderators Ingenue Red Right Hand Moderators Surrender2U EssenceofRed kittyumbrass the savage Smirkin