Sometimes I like being hurt when having sex - and I don't mean just the 'hair pulling', 'ass slapping' kind of 'hurt' we are talking about. Not sure I want to go into it more than that right now but the 'GOOD GUY' that is my partner has had to overcome a LOT of inert reluctance to the fact that his Woman want's to be hurt ...
I found this journal entry I found on [censored-see Rules] an interesting read for everyone that is interested in learning more about this conundrum some men are facing:
I love hurting women.
It took me over ten years from the time I hurt my first woman, who introduced me to bdsm to the point of being able to accept it was okay. I was 21 when I had my first taste of restraining a woman and putting marks and bruises on her with my hand. I distinctly remember, it wasn't just the electric nature of the moment or my burning, animalistic need to hurt her that made it so appealing. It was when I hit her and the way she reacted, as if it was exactly what she needed, that made it so incredible and a moment I'll never forget.
But I was young and didn't know how to process the feelings of hurting someone I cared about. If you know me, I try to be respectful and a gentleman. Even now as the Dom I've grown into, I'm still very sensitive. While that may seem like a hindrance to being a Dominant male, I own it and try to incorporate it naturally into my style of sensual, but sadistic domination.But there was a decade I didn't know how to do that. I didn't know how to care and hurt. How to be respectful and domineering. How to want to be gentle with someone in one moment and bring them to tears by the punishing blows from my hand in the next. I felt evil or messed up in some manner. This was an age long before [censored-see Rules] and the only images I saw in pop culture about Bdsm was of the Female Dominant. It was an easy sell, because selling a male Sadist was to close to domestic violence for pop culture to celebrate and market.So I spent my twenties exploring Bdsm as a bottom from time to time. In those ten years I only bottomed a handful of times and each and every time I hated it afterwards and felt confused.Because I would think about bdsm a lot but I wasn't allowing my self to own my Sadistic and Dominant needs and was suppressing it to a point that when I bottomed, it felt extremely uncomfortable and unnatural. Even without this lifestyle definitions, I'm not a submissive person, inside or outside of the bedroom. So when I bottomed, it wasn't enjoyable for me or the person topping me because while I could endure and enjoy pain, I wasn't mentally submissive and would often safe word out of a scene once it went from the physical to the mental aspects of the scene. Because mentally more so than anything, I was on the wrong side of the slash.Once I entered into my thirties, I started to grow a fuck it attitude when it came to just doing what I wanted as far as being the person I wanted to be. In non bdsm ways, I started becoming much more dominant with women and when I got married, my wife was very submissive to me, inside and outside of the bedroom. We didn't live the lifestyle per se, but kink and primal play was fully integrated into our sex lives. In my marriage, she embraced my need to hurt her during sex and it made me feel incredibly loved. While, she wasn't as open minded as I would have liked, the doors she opened in my mind have led me to some wonderful places.After my marriage ended, I had a year long relationship with my ex submissive. She allowed me and encouraged me to become who I now am. It was rewarding and eye opening, because while my ex wife opened the door, my ex submissive took me deep into the hallways of my dark regions of my soul and let me look into a mirror and realize, I'm okay, I'm not a bad or evil person because I enjoy violence in my sex life. In fact, in her eyes, it made me fucking awesome.I've had the chance in the last six months since my breakup to meet and play with some amazing women who have all let me know that it's okay to be Sadistic. As long as you communicate your needs and practice as much safety precautions as you can (no impact play is completely safe) and to humanize, not just yourself but the person your beating, it's okay, if they need what you need to do.Because for me, my sadism is only a part of what I do as a Dom. It's an important part for me, but the reason I enjoy hurting a woman more than anything, is to have those moments of vulnerability and care for her afterwards once I've altered her state of being and she needs me more than ever. That's the greatest beauty that comes from all that pain, is the bonding and sharing something that you both have to endure to create. That's amazing, that's intimacy.So yes, I love hurting women. To write and say that feels beautiful and natural now. Of course there was a time when it made me feel like a monster, but now it makes me feel like the man I've wanted to become. I'm glad there's a world where it's not only accepted, but it's cherished by someone you're in an intimate relationship with, when they need to receive the pain that you're willing to give.That's the kind of world I enjoy, that's the relationship I need.I just wanted to say thank you to anyone out there who I've gotten to know and who has allowed me to understand the depth of the beauty of this lifestyle. Thank you.I love hurting women and it's okay if you do too.