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Author Topic: Road Rage...My Capri Sun Story  (Read 1259 times)

Offline The Demented Wizard

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Road Rage...My Capri Sun Story
« on: May 05, 2015, 02:47:31 PM »
Needed a break from work, so decided to write this.  A few people have asked me about the juice box story, so I will tell you two. 

The first one, here is the setting. Now keep in mind Im 6'4" and like 280 lbs..  My daughter was about 2 yrs old when this happened.

So Im driving on a very popular 2 to 4 lane highway here and this guy keeps tailgating me, very very close.  Im doing the limit and already riding hard against the person in front of me.  My daughter the whole time is saying "Daddy juice pwease.  Daddy can I how a juice please." 

Her cup had fallen on the floor and gotten dirty. I keep Capri Suns in my backpack just in case they are needed.  We stop at a light and I get the juice box from my backpack just be for it changes green.  This guy is laying on his horn yelling shit out of the window, and Im pissed too, but my daughters in the car so profanity stays at a minimum.  I have the Capri Sun out and waiting for the next stop to put in the straw.  "Daddy, can pwease how a juice".  This kid is relentless.  Right then this asshole tries to pass me on the right berm side.  When he does he yells, "Fuck you," to me and flips me off then swerved nearly into me because there was a car broke down on the berm just around the bend WHERE HE WAS PASSING ME...100% illegally btw.

Now, anyone who knows me, knows that saying, "Fuck you" to me is like tossing a molotov cocktail in a rocket fuel plant.   I lose my mind and go berserk. Ive even made play partners say it to me during rough play because it just trips a switch.  By this point the juice box is in my hand, straw in my mouth, still in plastic, Im fighting to keep control of my car so he doesnt hit us, my daughter is laughing now because she thinks its an extreme case of my "suspension check game", and this idiot only got to move in front of me.  He didnt jump five spaces, beat a light, or run from the cops.  He went from behind me to in front of me. It wasnt like he was a doctor or any emergency service vehicle either...his car was shittier than mine.   

I gain control of the car, he ends up in front, my daughters laughing, Im completely fucking pissed and Im seeing  red because he put my daughters life at risk, and said "Fuck you" to me and I have her still asking for the damn juice box.  :frustrated: The next light turns red, I come to a stop, jump out, juice box still in hand and now the straw too.  As I approach he is rolling up his window, no doubt seeing a 6'4" raging bull coming at him.  I get to his window, bumper to bumper traffic and go ballistic, yelling and screaming "HEY! Motherfucker!!! You could have killed my daughter.  You fucking piece of shit bitch look at me! (He kept his eyes forward and was nervous as hell). Youre a fucking coward, get out out of the car! I'll rip your fucking head off! GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR!"  and eventually front push kicked his car door twice, leaving a size 16 shoe crater the whole way down it in two places. :rollingpin:

I faintly hear my daughter saying loudly "Daddy juice pwease."  Her and this juice are an unstoppable force.  Hearing her brings me back to earth, I start to walk back to my car, put the straw in the Capri Sun and then hear his door open.  I turn around and he is out of his car, walking towards me.

We make eye contact and he freezes.  "GET...the....fuck..back...int o your car before I beat you to death in front of my daughter."  Then..I did it.  Every parent has done it.  Right at that intersection, light now green, dozens of spectators and one scared shitless guy looking at me, I a 6'4" 280lbs man, took the ceremonial parent sip from a tiny little yellow straw in this tiny little 8 ounce aluminum bag filled with WIld Cherry juice.  Every parent has done this, to keep their child from squeezing the bag and squirting juice everywhere.  Its your only protection..your buffer. 

He turned and walked back to his car in a hurry  :exit: , either scared, laughing, or both.  I got back in my car, handed over the juice box, my daughter said "Tank you berry much," and we drove off. 

Offline The Siren

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Re: Road Rage...My Capri Sun Story
« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2015, 03:00:38 PM »
Wow.


I used to love Capri Suns  :D


Cool story, Wiz.

Offline Addie

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Re: Road Rage...My Capri Sun Story
« Reply #2 on: May 05, 2015, 10:34:07 PM »
:clap: Wizard, that is hilarious, and you got some big-ass feet. :rofl:

Offline Ingenue

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Re: Road Rage...My Capri Sun Story
« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2015, 10:04:41 AM »
This was hilarious!

So now we know, all we need to do to fend off a horny rapey Wiz is ask him for a juice box! Which he will then sip like Clint Eastwood.

*comes back as a ghost and eats kraft mac n cheese* ~MamaMeadow (SAME THO ~me)
another time I made a Sim that I bricked into a standing-only cell of hell in the backyard and it took him FOREVER to die ~MamaMeadow
Who hasn't done that? ~Trill

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Offline ButterflyXKisses

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Re: Road Rage...My Capri Sun Story
« Reply #4 on: May 06, 2015, 12:30:24 PM »
Way to go, Wiz!! Some people get behind the wheel and think that the rules don't apply to them, or that they can be dicks just cause they're cruising in the "safety" of their car instead of being face to face with someone. If I had my child in the car, I'd be absolutely livid as well. But yes, it's say to safe that I definitely wouldn't want to piss you off on the roads. If I saw you making a beeline for my car in a heated fit of rage, I'd die right there in my seat!

Offline The Siren

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Re: Road Rage...My Capri Sun Story
« Reply #5 on: May 06, 2015, 03:16:40 PM »
If I saw you making a beeline for my car in a heated fit of rage, I'd die right there in my seat!


This. Very much this.


Though I cannot get the image of you in the heat of the moment , 6'4, 280lbs taking a sip of Capri Sun out of my head now. Still it was a very good story. 

Offline The Demented Wizard

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Re: Road Rage...My Capri Sun Story
« Reply #6 on: May 06, 2015, 08:44:58 PM »
Way to go, Wiz!! Some people get behind the wheel and think that the rules don't apply to them, or that they can be dicks just cause they're cruising in the "safety" of their car instead of being face to face with someone. If I had my child in the car, I'd be absolutely livid as well. But yes, it's say to safe that I definitely wouldn't want to piss you off on the roads. If I saw you making a beeline for my car in a heated fit of rage, I'd die right there in my seat!

@ButterflyXKisses  Its not likely it would get to this level with a woman. Most women dont drive like that, and even if she did, she would pose absolutely zero threat to me upon approaching the car. 

Thats not to say I wouldnt fantasize about making her pay and if the right situation arose, making it reality.  Wanna cut me off in traffic and say those two words that get me to completely lose my mind?  :naughty:

Offline The Demented Wizard

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Re: Road Rage...My Capri Sun Story
« Reply #7 on: May 06, 2015, 08:47:53 PM »
If I saw you making a beeline for my car in a heated fit of rage, I'd die right there in my seat!


This. Very much this.


Though I cannot get the image of you in the heat of the moment , 6'4, 280lbs taking a sip of Capri Sun out of my head now. Still it was a very good story.

@The Siren you should see what a Capri Sun looks like in my hand lol. That little ass straw, me standing there still amped up...and taking a sip.  Im certain at least one person chuckled heartily in their car. 

Offline RayPistonprowl

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Re: Road Rage...My Capri Sun Story
« Reply #8 on: May 07, 2015, 03:37:49 AM »
+ rep for that you funny bastard  :laughgrin:
I kind of want to shove a copper-top up your ass and see if you hum and shake. -Irishgirl
I'd sneak up behind you armed with a sickle, slam it up between your legs and tear you a new one that with any luck will widen to spill your guts in a steaming heap on the floor. I'll spell RC with your intestines as I observe you writhing in agony. -cosmicwitch
Never thought I would bruise my middle finger while fucking myself.  Think I'll use a bit more caution when telling others to go fuck themselves now that I see how dangerous it is! -Smirkin

Offline khorrl

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Re: Road Rage...My Capri Sun Story
« Reply #9 on: May 17, 2015, 03:26:47 PM »
Never mess with some one who will drink from a straw in the middle of a fight.

Offline Alexander

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Re: Road Rage...My Capri Sun Story
« Reply #10 on: January 29, 2016, 11:05:10 PM »
Way to go, Wiz!! Some people get behind the wheel and think that the rules don't apply to them, or that they can be dicks just cause they're cruising in the "safety" of their car instead of being face to face with someone. If I had my child in the car, I'd be absolutely livid as well. But yes, it's say to safe that I definitely wouldn't want to piss you off on the roads. If I saw you making a beeline for my car in a heated fit of rage, I'd die right there in my seat!


belated but love this. worked her ass off and this is the first thing she thinks about. What a keeper!!


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