Needed a break from work, so decided to write this. A few people have asked me about the juice box story, so I will tell you two.
The first one, here is the setting. Now keep in mind Im 6'4" and like 280 lbs.. My daughter was about 2 yrs old when this happened.
So Im driving on a very popular 2 to 4 lane highway here and this guy keeps tailgating me, very very close. Im doing the limit and already riding hard against the person in front of me. My daughter the whole time is saying "Daddy juice pwease. Daddy can I how a juice please."
Her cup had fallen on the floor and gotten dirty. I keep Capri Suns in my backpack just in case they are needed. We stop at a light and I get the juice box from my backpack just be for it changes green. This guy is laying on his horn yelling shit out of the window, and Im pissed too, but my daughters in the car so profanity stays at a minimum. I have the Capri Sun out and waiting for the next stop to put in the straw. "Daddy, can pwease how a juice". This kid is relentless. Right then this asshole tries to pass me on the right berm side. When he does he yells, "Fuck you," to me and flips me off then swerved nearly into me because there was a car broke down on the berm just around the bend WHERE HE WAS PASSING ME...100% illegally btw.
Now, anyone who knows me, knows that saying, "Fuck you" to me is like tossing a molotov cocktail in a rocket fuel plant. I lose my mind and go berserk. Ive even made play partners say it to me during rough play because it just trips a switch. By this point the juice box is in my hand, straw in my mouth, still in plastic, Im fighting to keep control of my car so he doesnt hit us, my daughter is laughing now because she thinks its an extreme case of my "suspension check game", and this idiot only got to move in front of me. He didnt jump five spaces, beat a light, or run from the cops. He went from behind me to in front of me. It wasnt like he was a doctor or any emergency service vehicle either...his car was shittier than mine.
I gain control of the car, he ends up in front, my daughters laughing, Im completely fucking pissed and Im seeing red because he put my daughters life at risk, and said "Fuck you" to me and I have her still asking for the damn juice box.
The next light turns red, I come to a stop, jump out, juice box still in hand and now the straw too. As I approach he is rolling up his window, no doubt seeing a 6'4" raging bull coming at him. I get to his window, bumper to bumper traffic and go ballistic, yelling and screaming "HEY! Motherfucker!!! You could have killed my daughter. You fucking piece of shit bitch look at me! (He kept his eyes forward and was nervous as hell). Youre a fucking coward, get out out of the car! I'll rip your fucking head off! GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR!" and eventually front push kicked his car door twice, leaving a size 16 shoe crater the whole way down it in two places.
I faintly hear my daughter saying loudly "Daddy juice pwease." Her and this juice are an unstoppable force. Hearing her brings me back to earth, I start to walk back to my car, put the straw in the Capri Sun and then hear his door open. I turn around and he is out of his car, walking towards me.
We make eye contact and he freezes. "GET...the....fuck..back...int
o your car before I beat you to death in front of my daughter." Then..I did it. Every parent has done it. Right at that intersection, light now green, dozens of spectators and one scared shitless guy looking at me, I a 6'4" 280lbs man, took the ceremonial parent sip from a tiny little yellow straw in this tiny little 8 ounce aluminum bag filled with WIld Cherry juice. Every parent has done this, to keep their child from squeezing the bag and squirting juice everywhere. Its your only protection..your buffer.
He turned and walked back to his car in a hurry
, either scared, laughing, or both. I got back in my car, handed over the juice box, my daughter said "Tank you berry much," and we drove off.