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Offline lysyn

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Re: Too tame?
« Reply #15 on: May 31, 2015, 08:11:02 PM »

The only "dark" thing of which I cannot speak is something that is on the forum's no-no list.  I'll just say that it doesn't involve anyone who hasn't hit puberty, and it isn't about goats.   :whistle:

You fap to spamming? ;)

So if it isn't child porn or bestiality, what is it ?? I need a rules refresher apparently ....

My guess is post pubescent llamas
« Last Edit: June 01, 2015, 09:41:52 AM by lysyn »
So far I can't remember ever being wrong in a judgement of character of someone. Then again I tend to hold onto it until I get to know them a bit. Sometimes intuitively I know someone's a retard though.
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Offline The Siren

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Re: Too tame?
« Reply #16 on: May 31, 2015, 11:03:23 PM »
I don't think anyone ever intentionally means to stir up the old embers of pain and shame dwelling within folks. It happens, and before you know it you're left apologizing for something you didn't intend to do. I know I've been there myself.

As far as I'm concerned, I know this place is a fantasy site, and that I need to take what people say with a grain of salt. However, I think it just goes to show how powerful words are. It doesn't matter if they are spoken or read. For some people it can strike a nerve and dig up unwanted feelings. Which is why I think the people here try to be careful with the way things are phrased.


« Last Edit: June 01, 2015, 12:38:59 AM by The Siren »

Offline Strippingu

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Re: Too tame?
« Reply #17 on: June 01, 2015, 12:29:17 AM »
Well, one of my first girlfriends into bdsm was also into rape fantasy, she had previously been in an abusive relationship.  I was wondering about the connection as well.

Offline lysyn

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Re: Too tame?
« Reply #18 on: June 01, 2015, 12:49:04 AM »
I think a lot of this got blown out of proportion.

There is no fault or blame.

One person's fantasy is another person's reality. Sorry, but that's just how it is, and when having any discussion you're going to run across people that think about the topic versus people that have experienced a topic. That's kind of the nature of a discussion. Varying viewpoints and experiences.

Getting to know each other means stepping on some toes, but I really don't see how someone saying "I have this fantasy" is better or worse than someone else saying "I lived it and it sucks."

If someone else had said "I lived it and it fucking rocked" nobody would be upset right now. When discussing anything, everyone should be prepared to hear something they disagree with. Doesn't mean it's right or wrong. Because I don't want to dredge up recent stuff, I'll use the time I upset someone by saying "that's my reality and it fucking sucks."

I can't have kids due to rape. It sucks. Someone else has this exact fantasy just as I'm sure many do. (I honestly can't remember who the original poster was, it was a while ago and my mind is less sharp every day. It doesn't matter anyway, this is just an example.) I posted pretty much that as a response. "It's my experience." I didn't post it to hurt anyone. I posted it because it pertained precisely to the topic at hand and it's a trigger for me.

Here's the thing, though. My feelings weren't hurt. I didn't go and cry myself to sleep or think that the OP was a horrid person. Not at all. I was merely adding my 2 cents. For whatever it's worth.

If someone wants to get whipped, I can say "oh it's scary but fucking totally worth it" and no one would be offended. If I wanted to ask how it feels to be shit on and fucked with a sword (I really don't want to know, but if I did) and someone said "that happened to me and it was horrid." I would do what the OP in my case did. She pm'd me and said she felt badly for what she brought up. It wasn't her intent. (Roughly, I can't be arsed to go look at what she said specifically.) I can't really remember what I said in return, but it was something along the lines of "it's okay, it sucks it happened but I'm at a place where I'm okay with being able to discuss it." Because it was.

I felt bad for possibly ending a topic they wanted to discuss, but I couldn't not say something. And the topic progressed, though I'm sure some people felt uncomfortable and awkward. Good. Honestly it's an uncomfortable subject and people should think about both sides of the coin. It simply puts things into perspective, the way I see it.

I don't want people to be offended by what I have fantasies about and conversely I don't want them to be offended by my response to theirs. Just as I'm sure surrender meant no offense and wetslut meant no offense. They were just on opposing sides of the discussion. It's something they don't agree on but that doesn't mean they are intentionally out to disrespect each other. Last I knew, they both liked each other. Frankly, I'm a little confused as to why it's gotten so out of hand.
So far I can't remember ever being wrong in a judgement of character of someone. Then again I tend to hold onto it until I get to know them a bit. Sometimes intuitively I know someone's a retard though.
~Someone with a bright future and great hair.

Offline Red Right Hand

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Re: Too tame?
« Reply #19 on: June 01, 2015, 01:09:52 AM »
...I've fantasized about being able to whip a woman with full strokes, but wondered if in RL I could find a whip that had very soft thin tendrils, so as to not really hurt her too badly...


@ShadowRage   Look into getting a Japanese Silk Rope Flogger...




You can tease and please and tickle with it and lay on the lashing very heavily. Nice go to toy.


Meanwhile, back on track: I think it's human nature to have fantasies you don't discuss with anyone, or almost no one. Be it guilt, shame, secret avarice, fear of watering down the thought by externalizing it: there are many motivations for keeping some things solely in the vault of your head. And no one need blurt out what they don't want to just to "fit in" on a forced board.

There is no litmus test. Period.

That said, I have a porn addiction and always have had since puberty. There are a lot of things out there beyond the ken of anyone - or to say it backwards, no one is going to be into everything. My porn habits have shown me a panoply of pleasure, pain and disgust. Not judging is cool. It's the meat and potatoes of places like this. But also, so is being a haven for damaged people (I count myself among them). Hot button issues are going to come up. Someone has to ignore them. Either the person reading and getting riled, or the person reading the emotional response of How Dare You Go There. When neither can put it on hold we all lose and fractures appear which can lead to factions lining up.

The better boards and the better members move on from tiffs. RD was such a place because Wicked and My Dark Side kept it that way. RC can be such a place as well. But enforcement sucks the joy out of a board for Admins. Thus far, members have seemed to strive toward the ideal, towards sharing and community. As the place grows it gets harder, not just new members but new topics get added and chances of brushing up against one of those "issues" that will set someone off increases.

I'd hate to see our hosts' lovely time get ruined with stubborn and unresolvable conflict.

I'd hate for my lovely time to get ruined with drama and sides getting formed up.

I'd love for anyone butt-hurt to take some time away if needed. (I've done my self-exile stints to calm me frayed nerves.)

I'd love for anyone butt-hurt to return and join the clan of damaged people once more.

I'd love for members to sort shit out together and not force our hosts to crack the whip all the time over rules, only over willing victims...

Don't forget the ignore function.
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Offline ShadowRage

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Re: Too tame?
« Reply #20 on: June 01, 2015, 03:44:44 AM »
@Red Right Hand thanks, I'll have a look for it.   :thumbs:

Offline Dark Desire

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Re: Too tame?
« Reply #21 on: June 01, 2015, 11:28:28 AM »
I just want to say I know for a fact what upset S2U had nothing to do with Wetslut.

If you go look at S2U's abuse thread there is nothing there to even hint at that. I know Wetslut thought she upset S2U but the fact is she didn't.

Offline RayPistonprowl

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Re: Too tame?
« Reply #22 on: June 01, 2015, 01:16:45 PM »
Whatever's going on with @wetslut and @Surrender2U I hope it's resolved soon and they'll both return to contributing. It would be a bloody shame to lose either of them. :(
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Offline Garver

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Re: Too tame?
« Reply #23 on: June 01, 2015, 01:36:18 PM »
Really good question, S2U. I think I've certainly toned down my fantasies. My current girl is quite gentle. Most of my fantasies I keep to my writing these days. But I like coming here and reading about other peoples desires. I found in RD a place to express these thoughts and found it again here!

Offline Addie

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Re: Too tame?
« Reply #24 on: June 02, 2015, 12:12:29 AM »
But enforcement sucks the joy out of a board for Admins. Thus far, members have seemed to strive toward the ideal, towards sharing and community. As the place grows it gets harder, not just new members but new topics get added and chances of brushing up against one of those "issues" that will set someone off increases.

I'd hate to see our hosts' lovely time get ruined with stubborn and unresolvable conflict.

I'd hate for my lovely time to get ruined with drama and sides getting formed up.

I'd love for anyone butt-hurt to take some time away if needed. (I've done my self-exile stints to calm me frayed nerves.)

I'd love for anyone butt-hurt to return and join the clan of damaged people once more.

I'd love for members to sort shit out together and not force our hosts to crack the whip all the time over rules, only over willing victims...

Don't forget the ignore function.

Everything you wrote was well-said, but I thought I'd highlight the above in particular. And I try to keep in mind most of us are on here after a long day at work and don't feel up to writing well thought out essays, so there will be misunderstandings and occasional frayed nerves. If you feel that happening, don't sweat it. Walk away till you feel better. But do return. Put people on ignore, involve a moderator if someone is harassing you, but don't let tempers make you walk away from other people who enjoy your company!

Offline acidredux

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Re: Too tame?
« Reply #25 on: June 02, 2015, 02:01:28 AM »
Man, what's with this walking away shit? Now two great members have walked away over nothing? Damn!

Offline Dark Desire

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Re: Too tame?
« Reply #26 on: June 02, 2015, 11:18:24 AM »
Had to reply to this...

Man, what's with this walking away shit? Now two great members have walked away over nothing? Damn!

The two great members didn't walk away over nothing! That does a disservice to them IMHO! It pisses me off that is even implied.

As Wetslut said she left because she felt she upset S2U. The fact is she didn't but that doesn't make what she felt or thought nothing! Also what S2U is upset about is not nothing either! They both have a right to be upset.

I hope it all gets worked out and they both come back when the time is right for them.

Offline The Siren

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Re: Too tame?
« Reply #27 on: June 02, 2015, 11:41:32 AM »
Had to reply to this...

Man, what's with this walking away shit? Now two great members have walked away over nothing? Damn!

The two great members didn't walk away over nothing! That does a disservice to them IMHO! It pisses me off that is even implied.

As Wetslut said she left because she felt she upset S2U. The fact is she didn't but that doesn't make what she felt or thought nothing! Also what S2U is upset about is not nothing either! They both have a right to be upset.

I hope it all gets worked out and they both come back when the time is right for them.

I agree, DD. However, I think it goes to show that even on the internet, words have power. I understand how some people say this is a fantasy board on the internet. However, I think the diminishes the fact there are actual people behind those keyboards who invest their time here, makes friends, find support and establish a community.

Within a community there can be disagreements and misunderstandings and often times people's feelings are hurt. Yes, even on the internet. As I said earlier, people often underestimate just how much power words have whether they are spoken or read. It doesn't matter that a person is halfway around the world.

Now for some it might be easy to compartmentalize what they do in their everyday life and what they do on here. For others, it might not be so easy. It's not a person's place to judge one as better than the other. It just is.

S2U and wetslut, I really hope you two stick around. The fact that people can disagree on here without retribution is what makes this board so great. Expressing ideas freely is an awesome thing, and it sucks when people end up saying something that strikes a nerve or upsets someone. I know there is no intentional harm done. So long as that is the case, I think we can continue to move forward.
« Last Edit: June 02, 2015, 11:43:48 AM by The Siren »

Offline Carlosdevil

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Re: Too tame?
« Reply #28 on: June 02, 2015, 01:40:18 PM »
Whatever's going on with @wetslut and @Surrender2U I hope it's resolved soon and they'll both return to contributing. It would be a bloody shame to lose either of them. :(
And it would be a catastrophe to lose both of them, as they are two of the sexiest and most popular women on this site, which is saying something.


As S2U and Wetslut both know, my own fantasies tend to be lighter but that doesn't mean I don't have a dark side which has found expression with some of the other member ladies who tend to like things more violent, more cruel or just more intense. I'm all about pleasing my partners don't you know.


But about the thing about words being powerful; Siren is absolutely right about that. However, this is a rape fantasy site and it goes without saying that we're going to discuss various aspects of rape, sometimes in graphic detail. It's also a fact that a fairly good percentage of our female members have survived rape or sexual assault themselves, or have suffered some form of sexual abuse. That said, there's no way to know what is going to trigger someone; it could be the discussion of an abusive relationship, or talking about being raped by an ex-lover, or being tied up in a certain way, or reading a certain phrase that the perpetrator whispered to the victim that may cause that memory to suddenly explode to the surface.


I'm not trying to make light of any of this; however, it should be said that if you have survived a traumatic experience and you willingly enter a situation in which that trauma might be relived, such as a rape victim logging into a rape fantasy website or a soldier suffering from PTSD watching a war movie, you need to go in with both eyes open and your skin as thick as possible. You also have to go in with the understanding that NOBODY on this site is out there wishing to cause anyone else on this site further suffering; if that memory is triggered, it wasn't done intentionally. It simply is a by-product of what is discussed here. I think most of the members understand that and deal with it.


However, I will add my voice to those pleading @Surrender2U  and @wetslut to both return soon because they are not only vital members of the community but because I love them both dearly and need them around.
"He won't take 'Go to Hell' for an answer. (So) I'm gonna give him directions." - Steve Freeling (Craig T. Nelson), Poltergeist (1982)

Offline The Siren

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Re: Too tame?
« Reply #29 on: June 02, 2015, 02:34:49 PM »
However, this is a rape fantasy site and it goes without saying that we're going to discuss various aspects of rape, sometimes in graphic detail.

Whenever someone says that it lends me to be believe that one should accept the status quo, and bases the assumption everyone is here for the same reason which, in my opinion, is not true.

It's also a fact that a fairly good percentage of our female members have survived rape or sexual assault themselves, or have suffered some form of sexual abuse. That said, there's no way to know what is going to trigger someone; it could be the discussion of an abusive relationship, or talking about being raped by an ex-lover, or being tied up in a certain way, or reading a certain phrase that the perpetrator whispered to the victim that may cause that memory to suddenly explode to the surface.

Are you then saying that rape survivors shouldn't be here? 

I'm not trying to make light of any of this; however, it should be said that if you have survived a traumatic experience and you willingly enter a situation in which that trauma might be relived, such as a rape victim logging into a rape fantasy website or a soldier suffering from PTSD watching a war movie, you need to go in with both eyes open and your skin as thick as possible. You also have to go in with the understanding that NOBODY on this site is out there wishing to cause anyone else on this site further suffering; if that memory is triggered, it wasn't done intentionally. It simply is a by-product of what is discussed here. I think most of the members understand that and deal with it.

Most do, you're right, but that does leave the rest who do not as invalid with their stances and life stories. Telling someone to go in with thick skin is easy to say, but very tough to do.



My point in responding to you Carlos is this: People join this site for a plethora of reasons, and unless Ray and Addie decide to do a screening process to select who can post and who cannot, there will be people who will find something offensive about something someone else wrote. You say it's a by-product and it is. Yet telling them to have thick skin is a cop-out. Yes, they need to be informed of what is being written here, but if they didn't have thick skin signing up it's not going to magically appear because someone says it should. They either had it before signing up or they didn't.

Which means this board either welcomes all or they don't. From the looks of things since I've been here, they welcome all. Which means they have prepared themselves for when people don't along, or get offended, or upset, or when a terrible memory was triggered from their past. If people want to be intense with their fantasies by all means, but it goes the other way too. People have the right to not like something they have read and they shouldn't be silenced or fed the line "It's a rape FANTASY forum" because they did so.
« Last Edit: June 02, 2015, 02:41:17 PM by The Siren »

 

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