In Chat Now:

Author Topic: Guilt about NOT being a victim?  (Read 2158 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline RayPistonprowl

  • Testosterone ridden penis wielder
  • Administrator
  • Inner Wanktum
  • *
  • Posts: 14918
  • Rep: 1046
  • Gender: Male
  • Cockwagging hornbucket
Re: Guilt about NOT being a victim?
« Reply #15 on: July 16, 2018, 04:45:54 PM »
@darkfantasygirl :eyetwitch: I think your beans have slid off your toast, darling. :troll:

You might make a new thread for this one. Did you test positive for infection by the toxoplasma gondii parasite at any point?

Don't hurt him too much, especially his face. I want to use it as my throne at some point. -cosmicwitch
If I ever have a punk band with just two members, I'm calling it "Anal Pear". -kittyumbrass
Nature abhors a vacuum, so if you present us with a hole we're going to try to fill it. For nature's sake. -SoftGameHunter
My strap on is also hung like Ron Jeremy's ponysona and will totes raep your ankle. -Ingenue

Offline darkfantasygirl

  • WottenWandoms pwetty fuck doll
  • Writer
  • Inner Wanktum
  • *
  • Posts: 3999
  • Rep: 565
  • Gender: Female
  • adorable and scary at the same time
Re: Guilt about NOT being a victim?
« Reply #16 on: July 16, 2018, 05:06:06 PM »
@darkfantasygirl :eyetwitch: I think your beans have slid off your toast, darling. :troll:

You might make a new thread for this one. Did you test positive for infection by the toxoplasma gondii parasite at any point?


I'd have to ask my mother, but chances are not, because she didn't really take me or my sister to the doctor unless she thought we were dying XD

Offline cosmicwitch

  • Non serviam
  • Winning Author
  • Inner Wanktum
  • *
  • Posts: 9979
  • Rep: 1101
  • Gender: Female
  • Your pain, my thrill.
Re: Guilt about NOT being a victim?
« Reply #17 on: July 16, 2018, 09:18:47 PM »
No @RayPistonprowl Homosexuality is present on genetic markers. Just because thought experiments on homosexuals failed to change their minds (for the aforementioned reason, and I am GLAD they failed!) doesn't mean similar experiments on other kinds of thoughts have no merit. I'd like to make it clear that I am talking about thoughts NOT sexual orientation, and also add no one has a right to compel anyone else to change their thoughts.
« Last Edit: July 16, 2018, 10:39:05 PM by cosmicwitch »

Offline kittyumbrass

  • Winning Author
  • Inner Wanktum
  • *
  • Posts: 8896
  • Rep: 748
    • Ms Umbrass Denies...
Re: Guilt about NOT being a victim?
« Reply #18 on: July 17, 2018, 01:55:30 PM »
*ahem* "thought experiment" means a hypothetical scenario imagined for the purpose of working out the implications of an idea or theory - examples are the "brain-in-a-jar" hypothesis (can we prove we aren't one?) and so on.

It is NOT an appropriate term to describe real-world attempts to alter the minds/brains of people. Where they were actually experiments (which conversion therapies are absolutely NOT) such might be described as neurological experiments.

* * *

My take on the topic at hand is that there is value in examining the sources of one's sexual preferences and attractions. The etiology ("study of the origins") of kinks and sexuality is unclear and I personally believe there are multiple possible ways that similar-looking kinks and sexualities can come about (I do not believe genetics are a likely explanation for my bisexuality, for instance). There is almost certainly an element of socialisation and learned values when it comes to what we find attractive and what turns us on. (A study showed that for most people, if you show them pictures of "attractive" people of their preferred gender partner, and then tell them other people scored them higher or lower, then later show them the same pictures, they will have adjusted their rating for the attractiveness of the pictures to match more closely what they were told other people had rated them as.

Equally, it is possible to give yourself new kinks and there exists a set of instructions for how to do it to yourself if you wanted to (with the warning that, once acquired, it is MUCH HARDER to get rid of the kink than it was to acquire it). Staci Newmahr reported aso that when she studied the ethnography of a BDSM community, she ended up acquiring BDSM kinks as part of her immersive research.

So, there is some evidence to suggest that at least on some level, the mind is malleable to at least some extent.

But equally, there are things that are very deeply rooted in the psyche. Whether or not being gay or bi is genetic, prenatally determined, or develops in other ways, for most people they are still flying heavily against the pressures of socialisation and heteronormativity. In many ways, BDSM and rape fantasy are also clearly strongly resilient against social pressures to conform, which indicates these may originate in at least some people at a deeper level.

The problems arise when people make value judgements about the fantasies and turn-ons people have, and try to force a single narrative and political agenda onto those. I did a lot of self-work to explore the origins of the kinks and fantasies I have, challenged by Kink-Exclusionary feminists and others determined to condemn BDSMers. I have explored as much as possible where it all comes from, and come to the conclusion that there are some very dark and tangled depths, that I cannot fully unravel, but at the same time, I do not believe it comes from anywhere "bad".

@Kuriosity - as far as feeling guilty is concerned, I wasted too much of my life with those emotions about my kinks. The self-work described above ended up helping (even though it came from a place of others imposing guilt and blame upon me).

For any woman, the fact of rape is a reality, even if it has not (yet) impacted her directly. The threat of rape is still prevalent in a society in which 1 in 3 women report being a victim of sexual assault at some point in their lives (and sadly, that statistic is as true of assaults within the BDSM community - I could probably dig out the studies if I had time). 1 in 3 people believe some form of rape myth (which mathematically explains pretty accurately why it is so difficult to get a rape conviction). Warnings for women on how to avoid being raped (again, often repeating those myths and/or placing the onus on women to stay safe rather than on men to NOT RAPE) are everywhere. There's a reason why people talk about "Schrodinger's Rapist" still.

Rape fantasy (and on a wider level, in the theory developed by Staci Newmahr in her study, BDSM as well) can be a way of facing and controlling what you fear and could destroy you - regardless of whether you actually have been a victim or not. Society works quite hard to remind you that you could be (the anonymous trolls who make rape threats of the type parodied in the "Rape Threat Generator" games/giggles thread use this as well).

Offline susanhaynes19

  • young virgin
  • Inner Wanktum
  • Posts: 176
  • Rep: 132
  • Gender: Female
  • 18 yr old redhead looking to be kidnapped raped an
Re: Guilt about NOT being a victim?
« Reply #19 on: April 09, 2019, 06:09:55 PM »
I've had guilt for a while about me wanting to be a rape victim as well.  I've thought about either rape baiting myself or doing a real life controlled role play.  But I have had very hard trusting issues if I decide to do a irl rp.
Looking for rp where I can be a sweet innocent virgin kidnapped raped and abused.

Offline wrigglingbeauty

  • Inner Wanktum
  • Posts: 851
  • Rep: 626
Re: Guilt about NOT being a victim?
« Reply #20 on: April 24, 2019, 11:28:53 PM »
@susanhaynes19 DO NOT DO RAPE BAITING. Full stop. It's too dangerous.

If you want to experience some irl stuff then yes find a partner and do it in a safe and controlled way.

Fantasies are wonderful but you have to keep yourself safe to enjoy them.  :)

Offline verwirrt

  • Newbie
  • Posts: 3
  • Rep: 0
  • Gender: Male
  • n00b
Re: Guilt about NOT being a victim?
« Reply #21 on: August 26, 2020, 11:40:11 PM »
Cosmicwitch has a very interesting theory of the mind and what can be controlled. I am unsure what is true. It seems some impulses can be redirected but can they be eliminated? The whole idea, though, is that there is some "you" or superego that somehow can control what you desire and feel. It's a questionable model.

Offline Smirkin

  • Panfers Princess
  • Global Moderator
  • Inner Wanktum
  • *
  • Posts: 5840
  • Rep: 815
  • Gender: Female
    • Smirkin's Corner - BDSMLR
Re: Guilt about NOT being a victim?
« Reply #22 on: August 26, 2020, 11:47:15 PM »
I've had guilt for a while about me wanting to be a rape victim as well.  I've thought about either rape baiting myself or doing a real life controlled role play.  But I have had very hard trusting issues if I decide to do a irl rp.

This whole thing doesn’t make sense to me.

You state you have trust issues to allow someone to do it safely in a controlled manner but you’re fine to bait yourself for it to be in a non-controlled manner where trust is not even in the picture and lord knows what else you may get yourself into.


Offline LtMellK

  • Newbie
  • Posts: 16
  • Rep: 6
  • Gender: Female
  • n00b
Re: Guilt about NOT being a victim?
« Reply #23 on: May 22, 2021, 05:08:52 PM »
No specifically guilt at not being rapped but.
I have a lot of guilt because I was present for my mothers rape, and the three men who raped her threatened to beat and rape me and even at one point threatened to strangle my mother and "Keep the girl as our new girlfriend." and used my present (I was 13 at the time) To control my mother and keep her quite and not fighting back. And they where very crude about it with the way they threated me, threw a lot of dirty talk at me and called me racial slurs. And this was all after they had already beaten my mother and one of them had dislocated my shoulder by throwing her hard against a wall.

I don't think my mother would have been able to fight them off anyways, but the fact that she couldn't' even really make a lot of noise or call for help because I was there.

 

Offsite Contact

Email Us Off-Site

Admins

Addie RayPistonprowl

Global Moderators

Ingenue Red Right Hand Smirkin

Moderators

Surrender2U EssenceofRed kittyumbrass the savage darkfantasygirl archon1980