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Offline Richard714

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What is left of my manhood? How easily I lost it.
« on: January 17, 2020, 07:19:15 PM »
EDIT: After reading my post here I realize it sounds like a rape fantasy or something. If it was, I'd post it in "Rape Fantasies" It's not. After you read this you'll see that I'm not even sure if I'm asking you guys the right questions. I have no idea. Maybe I'm being overly descriptive but I'm just trying to type every detail of what I felt like and feel like.

Hi all,

I don't know if I'm venting here or asking for advice or what. Maybe just venting because there is NO WAY I'm telling anyone who really knows me about this.

First, let me throw it out there what a total fool I am for allowing this to happen two times. Yep, same thing twice. I feel like strangling the shit out of my idiot wife but a prison stretch for murder just isn't on my "to-do" list so being infuriated and livid is about as far as it's going to go, looks like. I'd like to kick her out but, although she hasn't said it, I'm afraid if I REALLY piss her off my family, friends, and co-workers will be receiving anonymous emails about what happened to me.

And there's no doubt in THAT version of the story, the whole thing was not only voluntary, it was my idea. Well, it wasn't voluntary and it wasn't my idea.

Ok, here's what happened:

My wife and I have been married right about 14 years now and pretty well right from the beginning we've had threesomes, foursomes, and all that. Never been involved in what I'd call an outright "orgy" though. It first started when my wife told me one day that a female friend of hers would like to "get with us". Of course I knew exactly what "get with us" was. The girl was pretty cute so to tell the truth at first I thought it was some kind of prank setup or something. However, she came over to our house Friday night as arranged and we drunk a few drinks, one thing led to another and I fucked them both while they fondled each others tits, etc. They both said they were down with pussy licking but neither one did it.

So that went on occasionally, 1 or 2 of her friends would come to the house, we'd get drunk and all fuck. No guys were ever involved for about 2 years. In that time, we had gotten together with friends of hers like 5 or 6 times, total. It wasn't a weekly or even a monthly thing but we did it.

After that went on, like I said for about 2 years, she called me just as I was getting off work one day and said her friend Lisa and a guy named Neal wanted to hook up that night. I said "With a dude?" and she said "No, just everybody hooking up except you and Neal and by the way Neal said that as far as the "goober thing", he didn't do it." I said "Well, that's pretty handy because I don't do the "goober thing" either." Meaning me and him were not getting within a mile of the other's dick. So we all hooked up and everything went great.

Now, fast forward quite a long time, until maybe a month ago, and we're mostly kind of wife-swapping now. Not so much the single girls anymore. I don't consider myself a cuckold at all because although my wife is getting dicked by some dude besides me, I'm right beside them dicking his wife, so there's that. Starting about a month ago, like I said, we're wife-swapping with 2 or 3 different couples once in a while and my wife asked me if I was cool if one of the husbands, we'll say "Roger", came over by himself because his wife was out of town but he'd really like to hook up. I knew, my wife knew, and Roger knew that that meant him fucking her while I watched or maybe didn't, didn't matter. I said I truly don't much care one way or the other, that's fine. BUT if he were ever out of town and his wife wanted to come over and fuck me, I didn't want to hear one single word of complaint about it. They laughed it off and said "OK."

So anyway, Roger does indeed come over and me and him ended up taking turns fucking my wife. Whether this could be considered lucky for her or lucky for us busting two nuts, I don't know but come to find out that when you fuck and bust a nut, the time it takes for another guy to fuck and bust a nut is conveniently right about the time it takes to get hard again. So it went like this: He fucked her first and came, I fucked her and came, then he fucked her again and I fucked her again. First time that had happened to me like that. Pretty fun, really.

Now, let me explain that while I have absolutely zero gay tendencies, I do have a small, not much bigger than finger sized, strap-on dildo that I want my wife to fuck my butt every once in a while while I jerk off. Not often at all, but for some reason something in your butt makes you come harder, seems like. If you're thinking I'm cool with a dick in the butt, you better think again because I only ever do this with a FEMALE doing the fucking, never, ever a male even so much as watching. Some dude thinking about fingering my ass and he's out the door quick. Never have had one try but I'm just saying.

So Roger, as you may have gathered from above, is a pretty cool guy. Funny jokes, and if he ever wanted to hook up and we're not really into it, he's never pushy. Just instantly drops it. So not too long ago Roger is coming over, the wife and I are into it and we start to mix a few drinks and my wife mentions Xanax. I know better than to mix that shit and alcohol but hell I'm buzzing a little already and a Xanax or two doesn't seem like such a horrible idea, after all.

About 15 or 20 minutes after that and things get a little fuzzy. I remember segments, kind of, not so much linear memories. For example, say I picked a flower. I remember seeing the flower, picking it and smelling it but not walking up to it, raising it to my nose or putting it down. Like that. Segmented. I do remember Roger at the door, him and her with a drink laughing, which struck me as annoying at the time, although there was nothing really annoying about it, then her stroking my hard dick jerking me off while he was eating her pussy. Then he was fucking her missionary then doggy style although I don't remember anybody changing positions.

Next thing I know I'm looking down at my dick going between her legs so apparently now I'm fucking her. Although I don't remember that position switch either.

Here's when the whole problem started: My wife, Jan, said something about tying me spread eagle face down and strap-on fucking my ass while Roger watched then I could have sworn she said she was going to do him. I'm pretty fucked up so I said "Why, hell yeah, why not?" It may be embarrassing to be watched by another guy doing that but he's about to get it , too, so it seems comical more than embarrassing.

So the next thing I know I'm face down, tied at all 4 corners of the bed and I feel the familiar strap-on begin to pump in and out. Somebody, Jan I assume, is reaching under me jerking me off, although that's probably not the best position to get jerked off. I wasn't complaining though.

Ok, next thing I clearly remember is more weight on top of me and my asshole is burning like crazy and somehow the small strap-on is going deeper and feels 10 times larger. So at first I'm thinking she didn't put the right lube or she decided to use one of her dildoes on my ass (although that would have been a first) or just something along those lines. Then whoever was on me put their hand over my mouth pretty roughly and at the same instant I could have sworn someone stuck a big fat 9 inch dildo right up my asshole hard and deep. It wasn't pumping at first, just jammed in there.

So I was squirming and fighting trying to turn over or pull myself loose from being tied and at the same time tell her to pull the dildo out, but the hand clamped tighter on my mouth and the weight of *whoever* combined with being tied prevented all that. So it basically amounted to a little squirming, although I thought I was really fighting. Evidently not because I couldn't yell, couldn't move and the dildo was still right up my ass. This is not cool. Not cool at all.

And I'm wondering why Roger, since Jan had apparently had lost her mind, wasn't helping me. Sooo, as you have certainly guessed since I wrote the first word of this horseshit that happened to me, I realized suddenly that Roger was now talking into my ear, it was his weight on me, his hand covering my mouth and evidently his God-forsaken dick planted into my ass. So he's saying "Just take it, little girl. It'll be over soon. You're going to be my girl after this." And I'm thinking "Yeah, fuck that! I'm NOT your "little girl" and I'm not EVER going to be your "little girl."" Even during this crazy moment it flashed through my mind he meant not illegal-aged "little girl" but just saying "little girl" to be more humiliating to me. For whatever the fucking good that thought did me. None, actually.

But since I can't speak or even move much, evidently I was going to be whatever he said I was going to be. Then, just as I was dreading was about to happen, he began to pull his dick out and push it back in. Actually fucking me. Jesus Christ, I'm being fucked in my asshole by a man. What the fuck. So then I begin to rationalize (or hope, whatever you want to call it) that him and Jan had planned this little "joke" and he meant to be just fucking around with me, stick his dick in, and we'd all just later say although it was a fucked up joke, it was a joke nonetheless. "Better not ever happen again", I'd say.

Wrong. Roger intended to fuck me long and deep and worst of all, hard. Like a woman. I was a fucking woman! Roger's dick has a pretty good sized "mushroom" head on it and I could clearly feel it popping slightly out of my asshole every time he pulled back. But when he paused for a second to push it back in, he didn't ease it back in slowly like one would think would happen. He jammed it in balls deep until his groin slapped into my ass cheeks. And his balls, the motherfucker, were slapping against my balls. This shit is getting worse by the second, I thought. I stiffened up my whole body and tried to clench my ass shut hard as I could but that didn't help me one ounce. His dick was lubed, slippery and had no problemd at all continuing to pull out then plunge back in.

So my "rules" I was mentally laying down at this time were now "Well, at least he's just laying on top of me and not holding my hips while he thrusts in (that was my personal method with chicks I had fucked, hands on hips, cock thrusting in and I justified in my mind that I wasn't taking it like a woman) and I don't have to tolerate the absolute humiliation of having cum shot into me.

Naturally, wrong again. After pumping his fucking dick into my ass so hard he's bouncing his groin off my ass cheeks basically for about 10 minutes, which I thought was 10 hours, he puts all his weight on me, holds my hips, and for a few strokes absolutely SLAMS his dick into me, then he stiffens up and jams it deep and holds it there and I can feel his dick, plain as day, throbbing and pulsating in my ass.

I thought "No fucking way! There is no fucking way he pumped his cum into my ass! There is nothing, nothing at all, different than me and a woman. Tied down, fucked in my ass by a man, cum shot into my asshole, gripping my hips like I was a woman, and that never-ending talking that bullshit into my ear the whole time "Grip my cock with your asshole, baby! That's right! Grip it! Stop struggling baby, you can take it. Just a few minutes and it'll be over. Just take it. All you have to do is be still and take it. You're going to love this." That last part made me want to stab the side of his head with a butcher knife.

And Jan is not saying one word the whole time. If I had heard her encouraging him, I probably would have broken the ropes and hung them both by the neck from the rafters. I still don't know if it was her reaching under and stroking my dick the whole time. Had to be, I guess. And let me make it clear, it was someone jerking my dick that kept it hard NOT a cock in my ass. I didn't cum either, so there's that. I'm not fucking gay, let's keep that fact clearly in mind.

So, like so many stories say, but it's true so I'm telling it like it is, I remember someone untying my hands and feet and while I intended to jump up and start beating somebody, anybody or maybe everybody's, ass, it seems like I got up and Roger wasn't there but Jan was sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing her pussy ("What a fucking dirty slut", I thought), so there's that little blackout but somebody's still getting fucked up so I start for Jan. 

But instead of beating her ass, I blink again and I'm groggily waking up about 11:00 a.m. I sat up and my asshole is throbbing and burning. I went to use the bathroom and luckily for those two fuckups, Jan and Roger, no cum seemed to come out of my ass. Why, I don't know. My asshole had had a similar burning sensation before and I thought I had hemorrhoids so I had some Preparation H in the cabinet which I squirted out of the tube and rubbed all around my asshole with my finger. By God, believe or not it helped quite a bit. So I go looking for Jan. She's in the living room with the TV on. This stupid bitch denies she knows anything at all about what happened. She tries to tell me that Roger and I had fucked her, she sucked our dicks and he left. That was all. "Your ass problem, or whatever, I have no idea what you're talking about", she said.

Was it possible I got fucked up more than I thought I had? Did she finger my ass while she was sucking me and I imagined the whole fucking thing? No possible way. She claimed she didn't fuck me with the strap-on at all since I told her I didn't want her to do that in front of anybody. And the hurting ass, was it mild hemorrhoids after all? Lots of "maybe" here. I was pretty convinced I knew what was up though, although there was now the tiniest doubt nagging me. I was fucked up pretty good so I couldn't say I knew it for a fact.

So it was only 3 or 4 days later Jan tells me Roger's wife was at her mom's again and "Would it be cool if he came over?" I said that would be cool. I considered myself quite a detective about that time and Roger's, or at least her and Roger's behaviour together, would tell me if what I thought happened was really true.

Not so. Roger was cool as hell as usual and not one single, slight hint that told me he had pumped a load of cum in my ass like I was a little bitch. Nothing. No hints or clues whatsoever.

That got my confidence level way up and I guess due to that, I'm not sure to this day, it wasn't long 'til I suggested we pop a couple a couple of Xanny bars, mix some drinks, and hook it up later in the night. I KNEW I was "The Man" and I would even not only believe it but prove it. Roger had definitely not fucked me in the ass. No doubt about it at all.

Can a person be such a complete fool? I know there are some pretty dumbass people in the world but never really considered myself one of them. If you have a suspicion someone fucked you in the ass, don't invite them over, take drugs, drink alcohol, then suggest you get together to fuck your wife. Never. Unless you're willing to get fucked in the ass again. In that case, just follow all the steps I described. You're surely about to get fucked.

This time, however, I rememberd quite a bit more since we went to the bedroom before my buzz really kicked in hard. Apparently, the two fuck wads thought I was fucked up more than I was. My wife said "Lie face down on the bed." I said "I'll tell you what, why don't I just get on my hands and knees doggy style on the bed" just DARING them to try some funny business. I'm apparently quite an idiot, like I said.

"Yeah, why don't you do that", she said. So fully clothed, I did. She reached around and under me and undid my pants and pulled them down,exposing my whole bare ass. Now suddenly feeling a little more exposed than I expected, I started to turn over so she could suck my dick while Roger fucked her from behind or whatever.

Unexpectedly though, I felt a quick swipe of her hand down through my ass crack with what felt like some type of jelly lube and rough hands grabbed my hips and I was being pumped with what was undoubtedly a hard dick fast and hard! Holy fuck was my ass burning and painful! It was sore as t-total hell! I suppose a person gets more used to that and it doesn't hurt as bad but I just about screamed like a bitch! My eyes teared up but I was definitely not crying, so get that idea out of your head.

Bizarrely, instead of jumping away or fighting or whatever, I was kind of what felt like "frozen" like I had to just submit and take the pain. Which is stupid, I guess, why not just jump up and start swinging? I did say "What the fuck!?" but there was no answer. I remembered Roger telling me to be his bitch and all that shit from last time but now he wasn't saying anything. Neither was anyone jerking my dick.

After a few minutes, I don't know how long for sure, there was the now-fully-expected hard slamming pumping into my ass, him stiffening up, gripping my hips so hard I knew for a fact there would be bruises, then finally slamming his dick in and holding it there. After just a second I felt his dick jerking and throbbing in my asshole. He was cumming in me again for sure. People say they feel the cum squirting in but I didn't really feel that, that I know of. But his dick throbbing while he was cumming was unmistakeable. My dick does the same thing when I cum in my wife so I know.

Now, evidently the Xanax and alcohol kicks in hard because I then blinked once (it seemed) and I was waking up, pretty late in the day. My asshole felt like it had a hot poker in it. Not really inside but around the hole part and maybe just slightly inside. You gay guys knows know what I'm talking about, I guess. So I rubbed some more Preparation H and (weirdly, I know) some numbing cream, with lidocaine or something or another, and it helped a lot.

1) Roger will NEVER be invited to my house again, 2) my dipshit of a wife will NEVER put her finger or strap-on in my ass again, and 3) I have a good mind to tell Roger's wife what they did to me. Maybe not, but I have a good mind to. Although I don't know what that'll accommplish. Before I forget, my personal traitor of a dick actually shot a load of cum while Roger was cumming in me. Wasn't even touching it when it happened. It was the most humiliating thing I ever experienced. I guess when a woman gets raped and her body unwillingly responds to stimulation that's what it's like. I don't know.

So I guess my questions to you all are why my wife and my friend decided using me like a cheap cum dumpster not only once but twice was a good idea? Lucky I don't shoot them both. The reason I don't is that I'm mad at myself more than them! I'm just a woman now, manhood is pretty well gone. A man that will submit to being fucked in his asshole is apparently not really alpha-male material. That's what I feel like anyway. Should I tell them how I feel about it and make them look me straight in the face and give me an explanation? Tell anybody? I'm writing about it here but none of you guys really know me so it's not like telling a person face to face.

If nothing else, thanks for reading. I feel better about it telling somebody, even if anonymously.


Offline RayPistonprowl

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Re: What is left of my manhood? How easily I lost it.
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2020, 02:50:46 AM »
@Richard714 You're right, this account bears all the hallmarks of a rape fantasy of a confused bi- or gay person, or at least a person who fetishises gay male sex with female accomplices.

You know the sections (Fantasy Vs. Non-Fantasy) and why they exist. You know it is wrong to involve others in some fantasy of yours without their permission. So I shall presume you are not doing that.

If you are telling the truth, your wife involved you in her own male-on-male fantasy without your permission, and your like-minded 'friend' raped you. That you were raped twice in short succession is statistically plausible, as many survivors know their attackers, are in shock and just want normalcy after their trauma and try to focus on comforting routines. As well it is common among a subset of survivors to sexualise their trauma through rape fantasy. It's a way of rewriting the scene to give the brain control and closure. Lastly some survivors do orgasm. It's a purely physical response. The body can read 'sex is sex' even whilst the mind is disconnecting to protect itself.

My advice:
1) Learn about BDSM, permission, and safewords. The Board Info bit of our site has plenty of links to relevant material.
2) Learn about homophobia and misogyny. Both are toxic and figure into your account quite vividly. There is nothing wrong with being gay. And hatred of gay men is really about hatred of women. No 'man' wants his manhood compromised by GIRLY THINGS. /s
3) Make both your wife and your friend accountable for their actions. They had no right to involve you in their fantasy without your permission.

I've more to say but it will have to wait.



Don't hurt him too much, especially his face. I want to use it as my throne at some point. -cosmicwitch
If I ever have a punk band with just two members, I'm calling it "Anal Pear". -kittyumbrass
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Offline Richard714

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Re: What is left of my manhood? How easily I lost it.
« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2020, 02:58:28 PM »
Hi RayPistonprowl.

I thought long and hard about what you said about possible bi or gay confusion. Up until all this happened I thought I was pretty clear on my heterosexual-ness but now I am indeed confused. I'll now have to admit to myself that I'm possibly bi (!). I don't think so but now I don't know.

"Learn about homophobia..."
I hope to heck that NOBODY who happened to read my account thought that I was complaining from the rooftops about what happened because I felt that being gay was the worst possible "affliction". No. My wife's cousin in the Navy is gay and we get along great. I had two gay friends in school, and all the other "But...but...I have gay friends! I can't be homophobic!" Unlike the cliches though I really, literally am not homophobic.

I meant to make clear in my account that the problem was not that I thought "I was fucked in the ass which is bad because it makes me gay, which is also bad", but that I was violated. In whatever fashion. The loss of the feeling of what has traditionally been "masculinity" is my complaint. Not in the sense that it "makes me gay", but similar to getting on ones knees and licking the boss' shoes in front of the whole office. Absolute humiliation. Again, I sincerely hope that no gay person read what I said and thought I meant being gay was "not good".

Yes, like you said, it's clear that those two cooked up a fantasy and figured they'd get me fucked up and go for it. Perhaps they counted on me being completely knocked out although that second time I think it was clear they meant to violate me BEFORE I was properly fucked up, just to let me know who I am and where I stand. Nobody and nowhere.

I'm thinking now that my wife is wanting out of our relationship, although allowing our friend to rape me so I'd scream and yell and tell them both to get out and not come back was a very twisted way to go about it.

We don't talk much now. If I try to even begin to bring up what happened, she changes the subject or if I insist, she denies it happened. Haven't seen or heard from Roger since that second occurrence.

So I think me telling her to pack her shit is probably what she's waiting for anyway so why not. The best thing to do I believe is to get away from these two assholes and explore my bi-sexual side, if it's indeed there, with someone much more attuned to the fact that grabbing someone (without previous agreement to a fantasy or similar) and ramming your dick into them is way, way seriously not acceptable. However, I insist that consciously I am not gay or bi, although subconsciously who knows what's going on?

Thanks for your kind words.




Offline Carlosdevil

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Re: What is left of my manhood? How easily I lost it.
« Reply #3 on: January 19, 2020, 07:43:44 PM »
When someone posts here that they were sexually assaulted, regardless of gender, I believe them. Period. That's how this thread is supposed to work. Reading Ray's response felt like he was equivocating a little bit. I'm sure that's not what he meant to do.

That said, if there's anything that you take away from this nightmare, let it be this: what happened to you was a crime. It wasn't your fault any more than it is the fault of any woman who is raped.

As for your manhood, it's still there. It is up to you to define who you are, and what being a man is all about. Don't let this assault define you or establish your self-image. You are still all man just as you were before these assaults occurred. You were assaulted. If Roger had kneecapped you with a lead pipe would you be any less the man? No, and neither are you now. It may take some time for you to believe this, but I assure you it is the truth.

As for your wife, by all means confront her. Demand the truth about what happened. Make sure she's aware that the relationship is in jeopardy and you are this close to kicking her to the curb. Or, if you don't feel a relationship with her is possible any longer, don't prolong the inevitable. End things.

Whatever you choose to do to handle this, I wish you the best of luck. Nobody should have to endure that kind of assault. Nobody.
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Offline RayPistonprowl

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Re: What is left of my manhood? How easily I lost it.
« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2020, 12:52:48 AM »
@Carlosdevil As always, thanks for being devil's advocate. ;) I still need time to add more here, but it will have to wait until I can brain. I know many sorts of trauma manifest in subversive ways, and am understanding, though cautious.

Don't hurt him too much, especially his face. I want to use it as my throne at some point. -cosmicwitch
If I ever have a punk band with just two members, I'm calling it "Anal Pear". -kittyumbrass
Nature abhors a vacuum, so if you present us with a hole we're going to try to fill it. For nature's sake. -SoftGameHunter
My strap on is also hung like Ron Jeremy's ponysona and will totes raep your ankle. -Ingenue

Offline Natalija

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Re: What is left of my manhood? How easily I lost it.
« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2020, 12:20:47 AM »
You mixed Xanax and alkohol, got drugged out of your mind, and then you wonder how culd someone exploit you like that? Nooo way... really? Not to put too fine a point on it - but you had it coming. Drugged/drunk out of your mind, vith the two of them playing you for a fool? Sounds about right.

I wish i culd say i'm sorry, but that wuld be a lie. I'm not. You left yorself vulnerable, and you got taken advantage of. Thats what happens vhen you trust blindly. Lesson to be learned maybe (one I learned a LONG time ago)? As a asyde - your wife is a lying, manipulative bitch. Roger is a asshole. You shuld confront them BOTH. Kick her out, and plant a fist in his face. Though the fist part could apply to both. I belive in gender-equality in ALL things.

Now my second thoght is - its all a fantasy. Especialy that part vhere you say you were "frozen and didnt fight" the second time... that smells... suspekt... to me. Especialy given how pissed off you were, from the impresion i got. But since you posted it in non-fantasy section, I'm taking you at your word... barely. Ofc, if it is true, and you DIDNT fight... well, thats a vhole another story, vhich i wont get in-to, since the last time i got in-to that... well. Shit hapened, since people aparently dont like to be called-out on victim mentality.

As for your question "whats left of your manhood"? Oh please. Overdramatic much? You maked a mistake (twice, if your account is to be taken at face-value), trusted blindly, and got taken advantage of. It hapened (if it did). How you deal vith it from now on, and the people who fucked you over like that, is vhat matters.

Good luck. And my advice - dont go soft on either of them.
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Offline Richard714

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Re: What is left of my manhood? How easily I lost it.
« Reply #6 on: May 25, 2020, 03:35:26 PM »
Yeah, good luck to you as well, asshole.

Offline moriarty555

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Re: What is left of my manhood? How easily I lost it.
« Reply #7 on: April 23, 2021, 11:02:15 AM »
Here's the thing: the idea that being fucked by a man makes you a woman is toxic masculinity talking. That's not your fault, we're inundated with it so much that people often mistake toxic masculinity for masculinity.

But it isn't, and gay men including power bottoms are definitely not women. Being fucked up the ass does not make a man less of a man. And being raped is being raped and can happen to anyone man or woman.

Obviously reading that, saying that, and actually believing that are different things. How you feel is largely outside your contherap

The first thing is you need is to stop mixing bennies with booze. That stuff can flat out kill you.

The next thing is you need therapy. This is beyond what a forum of random pervs can help with.

Offline acidredux

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Re: What is left of my manhood? How easily I lost it.
« Reply #8 on: April 26, 2021, 02:07:13 PM »
@Richard714 If things really did occur as you have stated, then your wife and this man committed a serious crime against you, and I am sorry that that happened to you. I am slightly saddened by what I perceived to be a suggestion on your part that a woman is somehow a lesser creature than a man, and that it would be shameful for a man to have any characteristics which have historically been deemed to be feminine, and that there is something so wrong with being a gay man that no one better ever entertain the idea that there is even a hint of homosexuality in you, because that would be the most horrible thing in the world. Those kind of ideas make me sad. They promote prejudice and fear and hate and hate-crimes. Just a thought.

 

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